The Inspector-General

Khlestakov and Luka Lukich, who is practically pushed in on the stage. A voice behind him is heard saying nearly aloud, "Don't be chickenhearted."

Luka. [drawing himself up, trembling, with his hand on his sword] I have the honor to present myself--School Inspector, Titular Councilor Khlopov.

Khlestakov. I'm glad to see you. Take a seat, take a seat. Will you have a cigar? [Offers him a cigar.]

Luka. [to himself, hesitating] There now! That's something I hadn't anticipated. To take or not to take?

Khlestakov. Take it, take it. It's a pretty good cigar. Of course not what you get in St. Petersburg. There I used to smoke twenty-five cent cigars. You feel like kissing yourself after having smoked one of them. Here, light it. [Hands him a candle.]

Luka Lukich tries to light the cigar shaking all over.

Khlestakov. Not that end, the other.

Luka. [drops the cigar from fright, spits and shakes his hands. Aside] Confound it! My damned timidity has ruined me!

Khlestakov. I see you are not a lover of cigars. I confess smoking is my weakness--smoking and the fair sex. Not for the life of me can I remain indifferent to the fair sex. How about you? Which do you like more, brunettes or blondes?

Luka Lukich remains silent, at a complete loss what to say.

Khlestakov. Tell me frankly, brunettes or blondes?

Luka. I don't dare to know.

Khlestakov. No, no, don't evade. I'm bound to know your taste.

Luka. I venture to report to you--[Aside.] I don't know what I'm saying.

Khlestakov. Ah, you don't want to say. I suppose some little brunette or other has cast a spell over you. Confess, she has, hasn't she?

Luka Lukich remains silent.

Khlestakov. Ah, you're blushing. You see. Why don't you speak?

Luka. I'm scared, your Hon--High--Ex--[Aside.] Done for! My confounded tongue has undone me!

Khlestakov. You're scared? There IS something awe-inspiring in my eyes, isn't there? At least I know not a single woman can resist them. Isn't that so?

Luka. Exactly.

Khlestakov. A strange thing happened to me on the road. I ran entirely out of cash. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?

Luka. [clutching his pockets. Aside] A fine business if I haven't got the money! I have! I have! [Takes out the bills and gives them to him, trembling.]

Khlestakov. Thank you very much.

Luka. [drawing himself up, with his hand on his sword] I will not venture to disturb you with my presence any longer.

Khlestakov. Good-by.

LUKA [dashes out almost at a run, saying aside.] Well, thank the Lord! Maybe he won't inspect the schools.