Play on Words

full length · drama

The works of John Dryden, now first collected in eighteen volumes. Volume 04

9 roles (0M / 0F / 9 any) · approx 319–441 minutes · 8 acts

Royalty-free Public domain — free to read, perform, and adapt. No licence needed.

Characters

Footnotes lead 7 speeches
Pala supporting 4 speeches
The supporting 3 speeches
Footnote supporting 2 speeches
Marriage A-La-Mode supporting 2 speeches
To supporting 2 speeches
Dramatis Personae supporting 2 speeches
Act V supporting 2 speeches
Mel supporting 2 speeches

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BENITO _meeting_ FREDERICK, ASCANIO, LUCRETIA, _and_ HIPPOLITA.

_Ben._ Knowing my own merits, as I do, 'tis not impossible, but some of these harlotry nuns may love me. Oh, here's my master! now if I could but put this into civil terms, so as to ask his leave, and not displease him--

_Asca._ I hear one talking, sir, just by us.

_Ben._ I am stolen from my post, sir, but for one minute only, to demand permission of you, since it is not in our articles, that if any of these nuns should cast an eye, or so--

_Fred._ 'Slife, we are betrayed; but I'll make this rascal sure. [_Draws and runs at him._

_Ben._ Help! murder, murder! [_Runs off._

_Enter_ AURELIAN _and_ CAMILLO; LAURA _and_ VIOLETTA _after them._

_Aur._ That was Benito's voice: We are ruined.

_Cam._ O, here they are, we must make our way. [AUR. _and the Prince make a pass or two confusedly, and fight off the stage. The Women shriek._

_Asca._ Never fear, ladies.--Come on, sir; I am your man.

_Cam._ [_Stepping back._] This is the prince's page, I know his voice.--Ascanio?

_Asca._ Signior Camillo?

_Cam._ If the prince be here, 'tis Aurelian is engaged with him. Let us run in quickly, and prevent the mischief. [_All go off. A little clashing within. After which they all re-enter._

_Fred._ [_To_ AUR.] I hope you are not wounded.

_Aur._ No, sir; but infinitely grieved, that--

_Fred._ No more; 'twas a mistake: But which way can we escape? the abbess is coming; I see the lights.

_Luc._ You cannot go by the gate, then. Ah me, unfortunate!

_Cam._ But over the wall you may: We have a ladder ready.--Adieu, ladies.--Curse on this ill luck, when we had just persuaded them to go with us!

_Fred._ Farewell, sweet Lucretia.

_Lau._ Good-night, Aurelian.

_Aur._ Ay, it might have proved a good one: Faith, shall I stay yet, and make it one, in spite of the abbess, and all her works?

_Lau._ The abbess is just here; you will be Caught in the spiritual trap, if you should tarry.

_Aur._ That will be time enough, when we two marry. [_Exeunt severally._

Act V. SCENE I.

_Enter_ SOPHRONIA, LUCRETIA, LAURA, _and_ VIOLETTA.

_Soph._ By this, then, it appears you all are guilty; Only your ignorance of each others crimes Caused first that tumult, and this discovery. Good heavens, that I should live to see this day! Methinks these holy walls, the cells, the cloisters, Should all have struck a secret horror on you: And when, with unchaste thoughts, You trod these lonely walks, you should have looked, The venerable ghost of our first foundress Should, with spread arms, have met you in her shroud, And frighted you from sin.

_Luc._ Alas! you need not aggravate our crimes; We know them to be great beyond excuse, And have no hope, but only from your mercy.

_Lau._ Love is, indeed, no plea within these walls; But, since we brought it hither, and were forced, Not led by our own choice, to this strict life--

_Vio._ Too hard for our soft youth, and bands of love, Which we before had knit--

_Lau._ Pity your blood, Which runs within our veins; and since heav'n puts it In your sole power to ruin or to save, Protect us from the sordid avarice Of our domestic tyrant, who deserves not That we should call him uncle, or your brother.

_Soph._ If, as I might, with justice I should punish, No penance could be rigorous enough; But I am willing to be more indulgent. None of you are professed: And, since I see You are not fit for higher happiness, You may have what you think the world can give you.

_Luc._ Let us adore you, madam!

_Soph._ You, Lucretia, I shall advise within.

_Vio._ But for us, madam?

_Soph._ For you, dear nieces, I have long considered The injuries you suffer from my brother, And I rejoice it is in me to help you: I will endeavour, from this very hour, To put you both into your lovers' hands, Who, by your own confession, have deserved you; But so as (though 'tis done by my connivance) It shall not seem to be with my consent.

_Lau._ You do an act of noble charity, And may just heaven reward it!

_Enter_ HIPPOLITA, _and whispers_ LUCRETIA.

_Soph._ Oh, you're a faithful portress of a cloister! What is't you whisper to Lucretia? On your obedience tell me.

_Luc._ Since you must know, madam, I have received a courtship from the prince Of Mantua. The rest Hippolita may speak.

_Hip._ His page, Ascanio, is at the grate, To know, from him, how you had scaped this danger; And brings with him those habits--

_Soph._ I find that here has been a long commerce. What habits?

_Luc._ I blush to tell you, madam; they were masking habits, in which we went abroad.

_Soph._ O strange impiety! Well, I conclude You are no longer for religious clothing; You would infect our order.

_Luc._ [_Kneeling._] Madam, you promised us forgiveness.

_Soph._ I have done; for 'tis indeed too late to chide.

_Hip._ With Ascanio there are two gentlemen; Aurelian and Camillo, I think they call themselves, who came to me, recommended from the prince, and desired to speak with Laura and Violetta.

_Soph._ I think they are your lovers, nieces.

_Vio._ Madam, they are.

_Hip._ But, for fear of discovery from your uncle, Mario, whose house, you know, joins to the monastery, are both in masquerade.

_Soph._ This opportunity must not be lost. [_To_ LAURA _and_ VIOLETTA. You two shall take the masking habits instantly, And, in them, scape your jealous uncle's eyes. When you are happy, make me so, by hearing your success. [_Kisses them. Exeunt_ LAU. _and_ VIO.

_Luc._ A sudden thought is sprung within my mind, Which, by the same indulgence you have shown, May make me happy too. I have not time To tell you now, for fear I lose this opportunity. When I return from speaking with Ascanio, I shall declare the secrets of my love, And crave your farther help.

_Soph._ In all that virtue will permit, you shall not fail to find it. [_Exit_ LUCRETIA.

_Hip._ Madam, the foolish fellow, whom we took, grows troublesome; what shall we do with him?

_Soph._ Send for the magistrate; he must be punished-- Yet, hold; that would betray the other secret. Let him be strait turned out, on this condition, That he presume not ever to disclose He was within these walls. I'll speak with him. Come, and attend me to him. [_Exit_ SOPHRONIA.

_Hip._ You fit to be an abbess! We, that live out of the world, should, at least, have the common sense of those that live far from town; if a pedlar comes by them once a year, they will not let him go, without providing themselves with what they want. [_Exit after_ SOPHRONIA.

SCENE II.--_The Street._

_Enter_ AURELIAN, CAMILLO, LAURA, VIOLETTA; _all in Masking-habits._

_Cam._ This generosity of the abbess is never to be forgot; and it is the more to be esteemed, because it was the less to be expected.

_Vio._ At length, my Camillo, I see myself safe within your arms; and yet, methinks, I can never be enough secure of you; for now, I have nothing else to fear, I am afraid of you; I fear your constancy. They say possession is so dangerous to lovers, that more of them die of surfeits than of fasting.

_Lau._ You'll be rambling too, Aurelian; I do not doubt it, if I would let you; but I'll take care to be as little a wife, and as much a mistress to you, as is possible: I'll be sure to be always pleasant, and never suffer you to be cloyed.

_Aur._ You are certainly in the right: Pleasantness of humour makes a wife last in the sweetmeat, when it will no longer in the fruit. But, pray, let's make haste to the next honest priest that can say grace to us, and take our appetites while they are coming.

_Cam._ That way leads to the Austin-Friars; there lives a father of my acquaintance.

_Lau._ I have heard of him; he has a mighty stroke at matrimonies, and mumbles them over as fast, as if he were teaching us to forget them all the while.

_Enter_ BENITO, _and overhears the last speech._

_Ben._ _Cappari_; that is the voice of madam Laura. Now, Benito, is the time to repair the lost honour of thy wit, and to blot out the last adventure of the nunnery.

_Vio._ That way I hear company; let us go about by this other street, and shun them.

_Ben._ That voice I know too; 'tis the younger sister's, Violetta's, Now have these two most treacherously conveyed themselves out of the nunnery, for my master and Camillo, and given up their persons to those lewd rascals in masquerade; but I'll prevent them. Help there! thieves and ravishers! villainous maskers! stop, robbers! stop, ravishers!

_Cam._ We are pursued that way, let's take this street.

_Lau._ Save yourselves, and leave us.

_Cam._ We'll rather die, than leave you.

_Enter, at several doors, Duke of_ MANTUA _and Guards, and Don_ MARIO _and Servants, with Torches._

_Aur._ So, now the way is shut up on both sides. We'll die merrily, however:--have at the fairest. [AURELIAN _and_ CAMILLO _fall upon the Duke's Guards, and are seized behind by_ MARIO'S _Servants. At the drawing of Swords,_ BENITO _runs off._

_Duke._ Are these insolencies usually committed in Rome by night? It has the fame of a well-governed city; and methinks, Don Mario, it does somewhat reflect on you to suffer these disorders.

_Mar._ They are not to be hindered in the Carnival: You see, sir, they have assumed the privilege of maskers.

_Lau._ [_To_ AUR.] If my uncle know us, we are ruined; therefore be sure you do not speak.

_Duke._ How then can we be satisfied this was not a device of masking, rather than a design of ravishing?

_Mar._ Their accuser is fled, I saw him run at the beginning of the scuffle; but I'll examine the ladies.

_Vio._ Now we are lost. [_Duke coming near_ LAURA, _takes notice of her habit._

_Duke._ [_Aside._] 'Tis the same, 'tis the same; I know Lucretia by her habit: I'm sure I am not mistaken.--Now, sir, you may cease your examination, I know the ladies.

_Aur._ [_To_ CAM.] How the devil does he know them?

_Cam._ 'Tis alike to us; they are lost both ways.

_Duke._ [_Taking_ LAURA _aside._] Madam, you may confess yourself to me. Whatever your design was in leaving the nunnery, your reputation shall be safe. I'll not discover you, provided you grant me the happiness I last requested.

_Lau._ I know not, sir, how you could possibly come to know me, or of my design in quitting the nunnery; but this I know, that my sister and myself are both unfortunate, except your highness be pleased to protect us from our uncle; at least, not to discover us.

_Duke._ His holiness, your uncle, shall never be acquainted with your flight, on condition you will wholly renounce my son, and give yourself to me.

_Lau._ Alas, sir, for whom do you mistake me?

_Duke._ I mistake you not, madam: I know you for Lucretia. You forget that your disguise betrays you.

_Lau._ Then, sir, I perceive I must disabuse you: If you please to withdraw a little, that I may not be seen by others, I will pull off my mask, and discover to you, that Lucretia and I have no resemblance, but only in our misfortunes.

_Duke._ 'Tis in vain, madam, this dissembling: I protest, if you pull off your mask, I will hide my face, and not look upon you, to convince you that I know you.

_Enter_ BENITO.

_Ben._ So, now the fray is over, a man may appear again with safety.--Oh, the rogues are caught, I see, and the damsels delivered. This was the effect of my valour at the second hand.

_Aur._ Look, look, Camillo! it was my perpetual fool that caused all this; and now he stands yonder, laughing at his mischief, as the devil is pictured, grinning behind the witch upon the gallows.

_Ben._ [_To_ MARIO.] I see, sir, you have got your women, and I am glad on't: I took them just flying from the nunnery.

_Duke._ [_To_ LAU.] You see that fellow knows you too.

_Mar._ Were these women flying from a nunnery?

_Ben._ These women? heyday! then, it seems, you do not know they are your nieces.

_Duke._ His nieces, say you? Take heed, fellow, you shall he punished severely, if you mistake.

_Cam._ Speak to Benito in time, Aurelian.

_Aur._ The devil's in him; he's running down-hill full speed, and there's no stopping him.

_Mar._ My nieces?

_Ben._ Your nieces? Why, do you doubt it? I praise heaven I never met but with two half-wits in my life, and my master's one of them; I will not name the other at this time.

_Duke._ I say, they are not they.

_Ben._ I am sure they are Laura and Violetta; and that those two rogues were running away with them, and that, I believe, with their consent.

_Vio._ Sister, 'tis in vain to deny ourselves; you see our ill fortune pursues us unavoidably. [_Turning up her mask._] Yes, sir, we are Laura and Violetta, whom you have made unhappy by your tyranny.

_Lau._ [_Turning up her mask._] And these two gentlemen are no ravishers, but--

_Ben._ How, no ravishers? Yes, to my knowledge they are--[_As he speaks,_ AURELIAN _pulls off his mask._] No ravishers, as madam Laura was saying; but two as honest gentlemen as e'er broke bread. My own dear master, and so forth! [_Runs to_ AUR. _who thrusts him back._

_Enter_ VALERIO, _and whispers the Duke, giving him a paper; which he reads, and seems pleased._

_Mar._ Aurelian and Camillo! I'll see you in safe custody; and, for these fugitives, go, carry them to my sister, and desire her to have a better care of her kinswomen.

_Vio._ We shall live yet to make you refund our portions. Farewell, Camillo; comfort yourself; remember there's but a wall betwixt us.

_Lau._ And I'll cut through that wall with vinegar, but I'll come to you, Aurelian.

_Aur._ I'll cut through the grates with aquafortis, but I'll meet you. Think of these things, and despair, and die, old gentleman. [AURELIAN _and_ CAMILLO _are carried off on one side, and_ LAURA _and_ VIOLETTA _on the other._

_Ben._ All things go cross to men of sense: Would I had been born with the brains of a shop-keeper, that I might have thriven without knowing why I did so. Now, must I follow my master to the prison, and, like an ignorant customer that comes to buy, must offer him my backside, tell him I trust to his honesty, and desire him to please himself, and so be satisfied. [_Exit._

_Duke._ [_To_ VAL.] I am overjoyed; I'll see her immediately: Now my business with Don Mario is at an end, I need not desire his company to introduce me to the abbess; this assignation from Lucretia shows me a nearer way.--Noble Don Mario, it was my business, when this accident happened in the street, to have made you a visit; but now I am prevented by an occasion which calls me another way.

_Mar._ I receive the intention of that honour as the greatest happiness that could befal me: In the meantime, if my attendance--

_Duke._ By no means, sir, I must of necessity go in private; and therefore, if you please, you shall omit the ceremony.

_Mar._ A happy even to your highness.--Now will I go to my sister, the abbess, before I sleep, and desire her to take more care of her flock, or, for all our relation, I shall make complaint, and endeavour to ease her of her charge. [_Exit._

_Duke._ So, now we are alone, what said Lucretia?

_Val._ When first I pressed her to this assignation, She spoke like one in doubt what she should do; She demurred much upon the decency of it, And somewhat too she seemed to urge, of her Engagement to the prince: In short, sir, I perceived her wavering, and closed with the opportunity.

_Duke._ O, when women are once irresolute, betwixt the former love and the new one, they are sure to come over to the latter. The wind, their nearest likeness, seldom chops about to return into the old corner.

_Val._ In conclusion, she consented to the interview; and for the rest, I urged it not, for I suppose she will hear reason sooner from your mouth than mine.

_Duke._ Her letter is of the same tenor with her discourse, full of doubts and doubles; like a hunted hare when she is near tired. The garden, you say, is the place appointed?

_Val._ It is, sir; and the next half hour the time. But, sir, I fear the prince your son will never bear the loss of her with patience.

_Duke._ 'Tis no matter; let the young gallant storm to-night, to-morrow he departs from Rome.

_Val._ That, sir, will be severe.

_Duke._ He has already received my commands to travel into Germany. I know it stung him to the quick, but he's too dangerous a rival: the soldiers love him too; when he's absent they will respect me more. But I defer my happiness too long; dismiss my guards there. [_Exeunt Guards._

The pleasures of old age brook no delay; Seldom they come, and soon they fly away. [_Exeunt._

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