The Merry Wives of Windsor: The Works of William Shakespeare [Cambridge Edition] [9 vols.]

SCENE I. _Before PAGE’S house._

_Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter._

[Transcriber’s Note: In order to preserve the marked line breaks without losing readability, each line of the quoted letter has been split into two equal halves.]

_Mrs Page._ What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. [_Reads:_

‘Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are 5 not young, no more am I; go to, then, there’s sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--that I love thee. I will not say, pity me,--’tis not a soldier-like phrase; 10 but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, With all his might 15 For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF.’

What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked--with the devil’s name!--out 20 of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged 25 on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

_Enter MISTRESS FORD._

_Mrs Ford._ Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

_Mrs Page._ And, trust me, I was coming to you. You 30 look very ill.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

_Mrs Page._ Faith, but you do, in my mind.

_Mrs Ford._ Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could show 35 you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

_Mrs Page._ What’s the matter, woman?

_Mrs Ford._ O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! 40

_Mrs Page._ Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it?--dispense with trifles;--what is it?

_Mrs Ford._ If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted.

_Mrs Page._ What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These 45 knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

_Mrs Ford._ We burn daylight:--here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of 50 men’s liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth 55 Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own 60 grease. Did you ever hear the like?

_Mrs Page._ Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. 65 I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names,--sure, more,--and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under 70 Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

_Mrs Ford._ Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?

_Mrs Page._ Nay, I know not: it makes me almost 75 ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

_Mrs Ford._ ‘Boarding,’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep 80 him above deck.

_Mrs Page._ So will I: if he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him: let’s appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath 85 pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. 90

_Mrs Page._ Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

_Mrs Ford._ You are the happier woman. 95

_Mrs Page._ Let’s consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [_They retire._

_Enter FORD, with PISTOL, and PAGE, with NYM._

_Ford._ Well, I hope it be not so.

_Pist._ Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. 100

_Ford._ Why, sir, my wife is not young.

_Pist._ He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

_Ford._ Love my wife! 105

_Pist._ With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy heels: O, odious is the name!

_Ford._ What name, sir?

_Pist._ The horn, I say. Farewell. 110 Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing. Away, Sir Corporal Nym!-- Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [_Exit._

_Ford._ [_Aside_] I will be patient; I will find out this. 115

_Nym._ [_To Page_] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there’s the short and the long. My name 120 is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch; ’tis true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese [and there’s the humour of it]. Adieu. [_Exit._

_Page._ ‘The humour of it,’ quoth ’a! here’s a fellow 125 frights English out of his wits.

_Ford._ I will seek out Falstaff.

_Page._ I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

_Ford._ If I do find it:--well.

_Page._ I will not believe such a Cataian, though the 130 priest o’ the town commended him for a true man.

_Ford._ ’Twas a good sensible fellow:--well.

_Page._ How now, Meg!

[_Mrs Page and Mrs Ford come forward._

_Mrs Page._ Whither go you, George? Hark you.

_Mrs Ford._ How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? 135

_Ford._ I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

_Mrs Ford._ Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page? 140

_Mrs Page._ Have with you. You’ll come to dinner, George? [_Aside to Mrs Ford_] Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

_Mrs Ford._ [_Aside to Mrs Page_] Trust me, I thought on her: she’ll fit it. 145

_Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Mrs Page._ You are come to see my daughter Anne?

_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

_Mrs Page._ Go in with us and see: we have an hour’s talk with you. 150

[_Exeunt Mrs Page, Mrs Ford, and Mrs Quickly._

_Page._ How now, Master Ford!

_Ford._ You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

_Page._ Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

_Ford._ Do you think there is truth in them?

_Page._ Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight 155 would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service.

_Ford._ Were they his men?

_Page._ Marry, were they. 160

_Ford._ I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?

_Page._ Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my 165 head.

_Ford._ I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. 170

_Page._ Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.

_Enter HOST._

How now, mine host!

_Host._ How now, bully-rook! thou’rt a gentleman. 175 Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

_Enter SHALLOW._

_Shal._ I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.

_Host._ Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook. 180

_Shal._ Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

_Ford._ Good mine host o’ the Garter, a word with you. [_Drawing him aside._

_Host._ What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

_Shal._ [_To Page_] Will you go with us to behold it? My 185 merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. [_They converse apart._

_Host._ Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleire? 190

_Ford._ None, I protest: but I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest.

_Host._ My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and 195 regress;--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

_Shal._ Have with you, mine host.

_Page._ I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. 200

_Shal._ Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: ’tis the heart, Master Page; ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. 205

_Host._ Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

_Page._ Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight. [_Exeunt Host, Shal., and Page._

_Ford._ Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion 210 so easily: she was in his company at Page’s house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into’t: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed. [_Exit._ 215

Notes. II, 1

1: _I_] om. F1. 5: _physician_] Dyce (Johnson conj.). _precisian_ Ff Q3. See note (V). 8: _you_] F1 F3 F4. _yout_ Q3. _your_ F2. 9: _at the least_] _at the last_ F4. _soldier_] F1 Q3 F2. _a soldier_ F3 F4. 19: _an_] om. F3 F4. 20: _with the_] _i’ th’_] F3 F4. 25: _putting_] _pulling_ Jackson conj. _men_] _fat men_ Theobald. _mum_ Hanmer. 28: SCENE II. Pope. 30: _coming_] _going_ Q3. 45: _What? thou liest!_] _What thou liest?_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _What, thou liest!_ F4. 46: _will hack_] _will lack_ Warburton. _we’ll hack_ Johnson conj. 51: _praised_] Theobald. _praise_ Ff Q3. 55: _place_] _pace_ Capell conj. 55, 56: _Hundredth Psalm_] Rowe. _hundred Psalms_ Ff Q3. 57: _tuns_] Ff Q3. _tun_ Rowe. _tons_ Dyce. 67: _sure_] F1 Q3. _sue_ F2 F3 F4. _nay_ Rowe. 78: _know_] _knew_ F4. _strain_] _stain_ Pope. 97: [They retire] Theobald. 98: SCENE III. Pope. 102-104: Printed as prose in Ff Q3. 103: _one_] _and one_ F4. 104: _the_] F1 Q3. _thy_ F2 F3 F4. _a_ Anon. (N. & Q.) conj. 107: _he_] om. F3 F4. 113, 114: _Away_ ... _sense_] _Away Sir Corporal!_ Nym. _Believe_ ... _sense._ Johnson conj. 117: _hath_] _have_ Q3. 119: _bite_ ... _He_] _bite_--_upon my necessity, he_ Warburton conj. 121: _avouch; ’tis_] F1 Q3 F2. _avouch, tis_ F3 F4. 123: [_and there’s the humour of it_] These words, not found in Ff Q3 are added from Q1 Q2 by Capell. 126: _English_] humour Pope (from Q1 Q2). _his_] _its_ Pope. 128: _drawling, affecting_] F2 F3 F4. _drawling-affecting_ F1 Q3. 133: [Mrs ... forward.] Theobald. SCENE IV. Page and Ford meeting their wives. Pope. 140: _head. Now,_] _head, Now:_ F1. _head, Now,_ Q3. _head. Now:_ F2 F3 F4. _head now_. Johnson. 149: _have_] _would have_ S. Walker conj. 151: SCENE V. Pope. 163: _this_] _his_ Pope. 175: SCENE VI. Pope. 176, 180: _Cavaleiro_] F1 Q3 F2. _Cavalerio_ F3 F4. 184: _my_] om. Rowe 186: _hath_] om. Q3. _he hath_ Warburton. 192-194: This speech is given to Shallow in Ff, to Ford in Q3. 194, 196: _Brook_] (Q1 Q2) Pope. Broome Ff Q3. See note (VI). 197: _An-heires_] F1 Q3 F2. _An-heirs_ F3. _an-heirs_ F4. _mynheers_ Theobald conj. _on, here_ Id. conj. _on, heris_ Warburton. _on, hearts_ Heath conj. _on, heroes_ Steevens conj. _and hear us_ Malone conj. _cavaleires_ Singer (Boaden conj.). _eh, sir_ Becket conj. 207: _hear_] _have_ Hanmer. 209: _stands_] _stand_ F4. 210: _frailty_] _fealty_ Theobald. _fidelity_ Collier MS.

Scene Ii. _A room in the Garter Inn._

_Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL._

_Fal._ I will not lend thee a penny.

_Pist._ Why, then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.

_Fal._ Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon 5 my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of 10 her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.

_Pist._ Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

_Fal._ Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I’ll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about 15 me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife and a throng!--To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I 20 myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of 25 your honour! You will not do it, you!

_Pist._ I do relent: what would thou more of man?

_Enter ROBIN._

_Rob._ Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.

_Fal._ Let her approach.

_Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Quick._ Give your worship good morrow. 30

_Fal._ Good morrow, good wife.

_Quick._ Not so, an’t please your worship.

_Fal._ Good maid, then.

_Quick._ I’ll be sworn; As my mother was, the first hour I was born. 35

_Fal._ I do believe the swearer. What with me?

_Quick._ Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

_Fal._ Two thousand, fair woman: and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.

_Quick._ There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come 40 a little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius,--

_Fal._ Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--

_Quick._ Your worship says very true:--I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. 45

_Fal._ I warrant thee, nobody hears;--mine own people, mine own people.

_Quick._ Are they so? God bless them, and make them his servants!

_Fal._ Well, Mistress Ford;--what of her? 50

_Quick._ Why, sir, she’s a good creature. --Lord, Lord! your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford;--come, Mistress Ford,--

_Quick._ Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you 55 have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, 60 gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I 65 had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels--in any such sort, as they say--but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; 70 but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

_Fal._ But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.

_Quick._ Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you 75 to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.

_Fal._ Ten and eleven.

_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her 80 husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him! he’s a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.

_Fal._ Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. 85

_Quick._ Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you, too: and let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as 90 any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. 95

_Fal._ Not I, I assure thee: setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.

_Quick._ Blessing on your heart for’t!

_Fal._ But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me? 100

_Quick._ That were a jest indeed! they have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man. 105 Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and, truly, she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no 110 remedy.

_Fal._ Why, I will.

_Quick._ Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and 115 the boy never need to understand any thing; for ’tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

_Fal._ Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along 120 with this woman. [_Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin._] This news distracts me!

_Pist._ This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers: Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights: Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [_Exit._ 125

_Fal._ Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. 130

_Enter BARDOLPH._

_Bard._ Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.

_Fal._ Brook is his name?

_Bard._ Ay, sir. 135

_Fal._ Call him in. [_Exit Bardolph._] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have I encompassed you? go to; via!

_Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised._

_Ford._ Bless you, sir!

_Fal._ And you, sir! Would you speak with me? 140

_Ford._ I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you.

_Fal._ You’re welcome. What’s your will?--Give us leave, drawer. [_Exit Bardolph._

_Ford._ Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; 145 my name is Brook.

_Fal._ Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.

_Ford._ Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better 150 plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.

_Fal._ Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

_Ford._ Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles 155 me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage.

_Fal._ Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

_Ford._ I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. 160

_Fal._ Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant.

_Ford._ Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief with you,--and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted 165 with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you 170 yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

_Fal._ Very well, sir; proceed.

_Ford._ There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband’s name is Ford.

_Fal._ Well, sir. 175

_Ford._ I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee’d every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to 180 many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have 185 purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this: ‘Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.’

_Fal._ Have you received no promise of satisfaction at 190 her hands?

_Ford._ Never.

_Fal._ Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

_Ford._ Never.

_Fal._ Of what quality was your love, then? 195

_Ford._ Like a fair house built on another man’s ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it.

_Fal._ To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

_Ford._ When I have told you that, I have told you all. 200 Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic 205 in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

_Fal._ O, sir!

_Ford._ Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only 210 give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife: use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as any.

_Fal._ Would it apply well to the vehemency of your 215 affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

_Ford._ O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to be looked 220 against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too, too strongly 225 embattled against me. What say you to’t, Sir John?

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.

_Ford._ O good sir! 230

_Fal._ I say you shall.

_Ford._ Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

_Fal._ Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, 235 or go-between, parted from me: I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

_Ford._. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know 240 Ford, sir?

_Fal._ Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not: --yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the 245 cuckoldly rogue’s coffer; and there’s my harvest-home.

_Ford._ I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him.

_Fal._ Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: 250 it shall hang like a meteor o’er the cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. --Come to me soon at night. Ford’s a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and 255 cuckold. Come to me soon at night. [_Exit._

_Ford._ What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man have thought 260 this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names!--Amaimon 265 sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils’ additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, 270 Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts 275 but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!--Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [_Exit._ 280

Notes. II, 2

SCENE II.] SCENE VII. Pope. 3: _open_] _open. --I will retort the sum in equipage._ Theobald (from Q1 Q2). _open. -- ... equipoize_ Jackson conj. 6: _coach-fellow_] _couch-fellow_ Theobald. 12: _Didst not thou_] F1 Q3 F2. _Didst thou not_ F3 F4. 17: _throng_] (Q1 Q2) Ff Q3. _thong_ Pope. 20: _terms_] _termes_ F1 Q3. _terme_ F2. _term_ F3 F4. _honour_] _hononor_ F1. _I, I, I_] _I_ Pope. _I, ay, I_ Grant White. 21: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _heaven_ Ff Q3. 23: _yet you, rogue,_] Pope. _yet, you rogue,_ Ff Q3. _yet you, you rogue,_ Collier MS. 24: _rags_] _rages_ Becket conj. _brags_ Singer (Anon., N. & Q., conj.). 25: _bold-beating_] _bull-baiting_ Hanmer. _bold-bearing_ Warburton. _bold cheating_ Heath conj. _blunderbust_ Halliwell MS. 27: _relent_] Ff Q3. _recant_ (Q1 Q3). _would thou_] _would’st thou_ Pope. _would you_ Anon. conj. 30: SCENE VIII. Pope. 43: _on: Mistress_] _one Mistress_ Grant White (Douce conj.). 48: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _Heaven_ Ff Q3. 63: _in_] om. Hanmer. 66: _this_] _of a_ Collier MS. 104: _loves_] _love_ Rowe. 110: _she is one_] _truly she is one_ Rowe. 116: _need_] _heede_ Q3. 123: _punk_] _pink_ Warburton. 124: _your fights_] _yond’ frigat_ Hanmer (Warburton conj.). 125: _them all_] _all_ Q3. [Exit] Rowe. 131: SCENE IX. Pope. 131, 136: _Brook, Brooks_] Pope (from Q1 Q2). _Broome, Broomes_ Ff Q3, and passim. See note (VI). 137: _that o’erflow_] Capell. _that oreflows_ Ff. _that that ore’ flowes_ Q3. _that o’erflow with_ Pope. 139: _Bless_] F4. ’_Bless_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _God save_ (Q1 Q2). 156: _all, or half_] _half, or all_ Collier MS. 167: _imperfection_] _imperfections_ Pope. 178: _fee’d_] _free’d_ Q3. 180: _bought_] _brought_ Q3. 185: _jewel that_] F4. _jewel, that_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _jewel; that_ Theobald. _that_] om. Rowe. 215: _vehemency_] _vehemence_ F4. 219: _soul_] _suit_ Collier MS. 225: _other her_] _other_ Pope. _too, too_] _too-too_ Ff Q3. _too_ Rowe. 231: _I say you shall_] _Master Brooke, I say you shall_ (Q1 Q2) Theobald. 242: _cuckoldly_] _cuckoldy_ Rowe. 246: _cuckoldly rogue’s_] F1 Q3. _cuckold-rogue’s_ F2 F3 F4. 257: SCENE X. Pope. 261: _false_] _fair_ Q3. 263: _this wrong_] _the wrong_ Pope. 267: _Wittol!--Cuckold_] _Wittoll, Cuckold_ Ff Q3. _wittol-cuckold_ Malone. 276: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _Heaven_ Ff Q3.

Scene Iii. _A field near Windsor._

_Enter CAIUS and RUGBY._

_Caius._ Jack Rugby!

_Rug._ Sir?

_Caius._ Vat is de clock, Jack?

_Rug._ Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. 5

_Caius._ By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

_Rug._ He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came. 10

_Caius._ By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

_Rug._ Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

_Caius._ Villainy, take your rapier. 15

_Rug._ Forbear; here’s company.

_Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE._

_Host._ Bless thee, bully doctor!

_Shal._ Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

_Page._ Now, good master doctor!

_Slen._ Give you good morrow, sir. 20

_Caius._ Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

_Host._ To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? 25 ha, bully! What says my Æsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully-stale? is he dead?

_Caius._ By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.

_Host._ Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of 30 Greece, my boy!

_Caius._ I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

_Shal._ He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should 35 fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?

_Page._ Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

_Shal._ Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, 40 and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

_Page._ ’Tis true, Master Shallow. 45

_Shal._ It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have shewed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shewn himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor. 50

_Host._ Pardon, guest-justice. --A word, Mounseur Mock-water.

_Caius._ Mock-vater! vat is dat?

_Host._ Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. 55

_Caius._ By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de Englishman. --Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

_Host._ He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

_Caius._ Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? 60

_Host._ That is, he will make thee amends.

_Caius._ By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

_Host._ And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.

_Caius._ Me tank you for dat. 65

_Host._ And, moreover, bully,--But first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [_Aside to them._

_Page._ Sir Hugh is there, is he?

_Host._ He is there: see what humour he is in; and 70 I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

_Shal._ We will do it.

_Page, Shal., and Slen._ Adieu, good master doctor.

[_Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen._

_Caius._ By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a 75 jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

_Host._ Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried 80 I aim? said I well?

_Caius._ By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

_Host._ For the which I will be thy adversary toward 85 Anne Page. Said I well?

_Caius._ By gar, ’tis good; vell said.

_Host._ Let us wag, then.

_Caius._ Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [_Exeunt._

Notes. II, 3

SCENE III.] SCENE XI. Pope. 3: _de_] F3 F4. _the_ F1 Q3 F2. 11: _is no dead so as I vill kill him_] Ff Q3. _is not so dead as me vill make him_ Pope. _be not so dead as I shall make him_ (Q1 Q2). 21: _tree_] _trees_ F4. 25: _Francisco_] _Françeyes_ (Q1 Q2) Warburton. 26: _Galen_] _Gallon_ (Q1 Q2). _Galien_ F1 F2. _Gallen_ Q3 F3 F4. 29: _vorld_] _varld_ Hanmer. 30: _Castalion_] _Castallian_ (Q1 Q2). _Cardalion_ Hanmer. _Castillian_ Capell. 41: _the_] F1 Q3. om. F2 F3 F4. 51: _A word_] Theobald (from Q1 Q2). A Ff Q3. _Ah_ Hanmer. 51, 54: _Mock-water_] _Muck-water_ Malone (Farmer conj.). 71: _by_] om. F3 F4. 80: _Cried I aim?_] Dyce (Douce conj.). _Cried game_ (Q1 Q2). _Cride-game_ Ff Q3. _Try’d game_ Theobald. _Cock o’ th’ game_ Hanmer. _Cry aim_ Warburton. _and cry ‘amie’_ Becket conj. _Dry’d game_ Jackson conj. _Curds and cream_ Collier MS. 89: This line given to _Host_ in F3 F4.