Play on Words

full length · drama

Plays : First Series

57 roles (0M / 0F / 57 any) · approx 330–457 minutes · 11 acts

Royalty-free Public domain — free to read, perform, and adapt. No licence needed.

Characters

Joy supporting 187 speeches
Barthwick supporting 176 speeches
Mrs. Gwyn supporting 164 speeches
Enid supporting 155 speeches
Colonel supporting 154 speeches
Miss Beech minor 126 speeches
Dick minor 97 speeches
Jack minor 92 speeches
Anthony minor 91 speeches
Lever minor 89 speeches
Mrs. Jones minor 88 speeches
Roberts minor 83 speeches
Mrs. Hope minor 78 speeches
Magistrate minor 76 speeches
Mrs. Barthwick minor 73 speeches
Edgar minor 73 speeches
Wilder minor 72 speeches
Jones minor 63 speeches
Mrs. Roberts minor 56 speeches
Scantlebury minor 52 speeches
Marlow minor 46 speeches
Harness minor 41 speeches
Wanklin minor 40 speeches
Madge minor 40 speeches
Snow minor 38 speeches
Ernest minor 35 speeches
Roper minor 31 speeches
Tench minor 31 speeches
Thomas minor 31 speeches
Clerk minor 26 speeches
Unknown minor 25 speeches
Rous minor 21 speeches
Letty minor 20 speeches
Frost minor 20 speeches
Underwood minor 19 speeches
Evans minor 18 speeches
Rose minor 16 speeches
Jago minor 11 speeches
Wheeler minor 10 speeches
Livens minor 10 speeches
Bulgin minor 9 speeches
Henry Rous minor 9 speeches
Mrs. Yeo minor 8 speeches
Lewis minor 7 speeches
Relieving Officer minor 6 speeches
Bald Constable minor 6 speeches
Mrs. Rous minor 6 speeches
Usher minor 5 speeches
Green minor 5 speeches
Blacksmith minor 5 speeches
Mrs. Bulgin minor 4 speeches
Mrs. Seddon minor 3 speeches
Davies minor 3 speeches
Red-Haired Youth minor 3 speeches
Parlourmaid minor 3 speeches
Act Iii minor 2 speeches
Persons Of The Play minor 2 speeches

Read the play

In the BARTHWICK'S dining-room. JACK is still asleep; the morning light is coming through the curtains. The time is half-past eight. WHEELER, brisk person enters with a dust-pan, and MRS. JONES more slowly with a scuttle.

Wheeler. [Drawing the curtains.] That precious husband of yours was round for you after you'd gone yesterday, Mrs. Jones. Wanted your money for drink, I suppose. He hangs about the corner here half the time. I saw him outside the "Goat and Bells" when I went to the post last night. If I were you I would n't live with him. I would n't live with a man that raised his hand to me. I wouldn't put up with it. Why don't you take your children and leave him? If you put up with 'im it'll only make him worse. I never can see why, because a man's married you, he should knock you about.

Mrs. Jones. [Slim, dark-eyed, and dark-haired; oval-faced, and with a smooth, soft, even voice; her manner patient, her way of talking quite impersonal; she wears a blue linen dress, and boots with holes.] It was nearly two last night before he come home, and he wasn't himself. He made me get up, and he knocked me about; he didn't seem to know what he was saying or doing. Of course I would leave him, but I'm really afraid of what he'd do to me. He 's such a violent man when he's not himself.

Wheeler. Why don't you get him locked up? You'll never have any peace until you get him locked up. If I were you I'd go to the police court tomorrow. That's what I would do.

Mrs. Jones. Of course I ought to go, because he does treat me so badly when he's not himself. But you see, Bettina, he has a very hard time--he 's been out of work two months, and it preys upon his mind. When he's in work he behaves himself much better. It's when he's out of work that he's so violent.

Wheeler. Well, if you won't take any steps you 'll never get rid of him.

Mrs. Jones. Of course it's very wearing to me; I don't get my sleep at nights. And it 's not as if I were getting help from him, because I have to do for the children and all of us. And he throws such dreadful things up at me, talks of my having men to follow me about. Such a thing never happens; no man ever speaks to me. And of course, it's just the other way. It's what he does that's wrong and makes me so unhappy. And then he 's always threatenin' to cut my throat if I leave him. It's all the drink, and things preying on his mind; he 's not a bad man really. Sometimes he'll speak quite kind to me, but I've stood so much from him, I don't feel it in me to speak kind back, but just keep myself to myself. And he's all right with the children too, except when he's not himself.

Wheeler. You mean when he's drunk, the beauty.

Mrs. Jones. Yes. [Without change of voice] There's the young gentleman asleep on the sofa.

[They both look silently at Jack.]

Mrs. Jones. [At last, in her soft voice.] He does n't look quite himself.

Wheeler. He's a young limb, that's what he is. It 's my belief he was tipsy last night, like your husband. It 's another kind of bein' out of work that sets him to drink. I 'll go and tell Marlow. This is his job.

[She goes.]

[Mrs. Jones, upon her knees, begins a gentle sweeping.]

Jack. [Waking.] Who's there? What is it?

Mrs. Jones. It's me, sir, Mrs. Jones.

Jack. [Sitting up and looking round.] Where is it--what--what time is it?

Mrs. Jones. It's getting on for nine o'clock, sir.

Jack. For nine! Why--what! [Rising, and loosening his tongue; putting hands to his head, and staring hard at Mrs. Jones.] Look here, you, Mrs.----Mrs. Jones--don't you say you caught me asleep here.

Mrs. Jones. No, sir, of course I won't sir.

Jack. It's quite an accident; I don't know how it happened. I must have forgotten to go to bed. It's a queer thing. I 've got a most beastly headache. Mind you don't say anything, Mrs. Jones.

[Goes out and passes MARLOW in the doorway. MARLOW is young and quiet; he is cleanshaven, and his hair is brushed high from his forehead in a coxcomb. Incidentally a butler, he is first a man. He looks at MRS. JONES, and smiles a private smile.]

Marlow. Not the first time, and won't be the last. Looked a bit dicky, eh, Mrs. Jones?

Mrs. Jones. He did n't look quite himself. Of course I did n't take notice.

Marlow. You're used to them. How's your old man?

Mrs. Jones. [Softly as throughout.] Well, he was very bad last night; he did n't seem to know what he was about. He was very late, and he was most abusive. But now, of course, he's asleep.

Marlow. That's his way of finding a job, eh?

Mrs. Jones. As a rule, Mr. Marlow, he goes out early every morning looking for work, and sometimes he comes in fit to drop--and of course I can't say he does n't try to get it, because he does. Trade's very bad. [She stands quite still, her fan and brush before her, at the beginning and the end of long vistas of experience, traversing them with her impersonal eye.] But he's not a good husband to me--last night he hit me, and he was so dreadfully abusive.

Marlow. Bank 'oliday, eh! He 's too fond of the "Goat and Bells," that's what's the matter with him. I see him at the corner late every night. He hangs about.

Mrs. Jones. He gets to feeling very low walking about all day after work, and being refused so often, and then when he gets a drop in him it goes to his head. But he shouldn't treat his wife as he treats me. Sometimes I 've had to go and walk about at night, when he wouldn't let me stay in the room; but he's sorry for it afterwards. And he hangs about after me, he waits for me in the street; and I don't think he ought to, because I 've always been a good wife to him. And I tell him Mrs. Barthwick wouldn't like him coming about the place. But that only makes him angry, and he says dreadful things about the gentry. Of course it was through me that he first lost his place, through his not treating me right; and that's made him bitter against the gentry. He had a very good place as groom in the country; but it made such a stir, because of course he did n't treat me right.

Marlow. Got the sack?

Mrs. Jones. Yes; his employer said he couldn't keep him, because there was a great deal of talk; and he said it was such a bad example. But it's very important for me to keep my work here; I have the three children, and I don't want him to come about after me in the streets, and make a disturbance as he sometimes does.

Marlow. [Holding up the empty decanter.] Not a drain! Next time he hits you get a witness and go down to the court----

Mrs. Jones. Yes, I think I 've made up my mind. I think I ought to.

Marlow. That's right. Where's the ciga----?

[He searches for the silver box; he looks at MRS. JONES, who is sweeping on her hands and knees; he checks himself and stands reflecting. From the tray he picks two half-smoked cigarettes, and reads the name on them.]

Nestor--where the deuce----?

[With a meditative air he looks again at MRS. JONES, and, taking up JACK'S overcoat, he searches in the pockets. WHEELER, with a tray of breakfast things, comes in.]

Marlow. [Aside to WHEELER.] Have you seen the cigarette-box?

Wheeler. No.

Marlow. Well, it's gone. I put it on the tray last night. And he's been smoking. [Showing her the ends of cigarettes.] It's not in these pockets. He can't have taken it upstairs this morning! Have a good look in his room when he comes down. Who's been in here?

Wheeler. Only me and Mrs. Jones.

Mrs. Jones. I 've finished here; shall I do the drawing-room now?

Wheeler. [Looking at her doubtfully.] Have you seen----Better do the boudwower first.

[MRS. JONES goes out with pan and brush. MARLOW and WHEELER look each other in the face.]

Marlow. It'll turn up.

Wheeler. [Hesitating.] You don't think she---- [Nodding at the door.]

Marlow. [Stoutly.] I don't----I never believes anything of anybody.

Wheeler. But the master'll have to be told.

Marlow. You wait a bit, and see if it don't turn up. Suspicion's no business of ours. I set my mind against it.

The curtain falls.

The curtain rises again at once.

Monologues from this play