Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales

(_A richly yet classically furnished drawing-room in_ M. de Petitpré's house. _A table_, C.; _sofas_, R.; _chairs and armchairs_, L. _Wide doors_, C., _opening upon a terrace or gallery. Doors_ R. _and_ L. _of_ C. _Lighted lamps_.)

_Enter from_ R. M. de Petitpré, Monsieur Martinel, Madame de Ronchard, Léon de Petitpré, Jean _and_ Gilberte. Gilberte _is in her bridal attire, but without wreath and veil_.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_after bowing to_ M. Martinel, _whose arm she relinquishes, seats herself_ R.]

Gilberte, Gilberte!

GILBERTE [_leaves Jean's arm_]

What is it, Auntie?

Mme. De Ronchard. The coffee, my dear child.

GILBERTE [_goes to the table_]

I will give you some, Auntie.

Mme. De Ronchard. Don't soil your gown.

LÉON [_comes up_]

No, no, not to-day shall my sister serve coffee. The day of her marriage! No, indeed, I will take care of that. [_To_ Mme. de Ronchard.] You know that I am a lawyer, my dear Aunt, and therefore can do everything.

Mme. De Ronchard. Oh, I know your abilities, Léon, and I appreciate them--

LÉON [_smiles, and gives his Aunt a cup of coffee_]

You are too good.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_taking cup, dryly_]

For what they are worth.

LÉON [_aside, turns to the table_]

There she goes again--another little slap at me! That is never wanting. [_offers a cup to_ Martinel.] You will take a small cup, won't you, M. Martinel, and a nip of old brandy with it? I know your tastes. We will take good care of you.

Martinel. Thank you, Léon.

LÉON [_to_ Petitpré]

Will you have a cup, father?

Petitpré. I will, my son.

LÉON [_to the newly married couple, seated L. and talking aside_]

And you, you bridal pair there? [_The couple, absorbed in each other, do not answer._] Oh, I suppose we must not bother you. [_He sets cup down on the table_].

PETITPRÉ [_to_ Martinel]

You don't smoke, I believe?

Martinel. Never, thank you.

Mme. De Ronchard. You astonish me! My brother and Léon would not miss smoking each day for anything in the world. But what an abomination a cigar is!

Petitpré. A delicious abomination, Clarisse.

LÉON [_turns to_ Mme. de Ronchard]

Almost all abominations are delicious, Auntie; in fact many of them, to my personal knowledge, are exquisite.

Mme. De Ronchard. You naughty fellow!

PETITPRÉ [_takes_ Léon's _arm_]

Come and smoke in the billiard-room, since your aunt objects to it here.

LÉON [_to_ Petitpré]

The day when she will love anything except her spaniels--

Petitpré. Hold your tongue and come along. [_Exit_ C.]

MARTINEL [_to_ Mme. de Ronchard]

This is the sort of marriage that I like--a marriage that, in this Paris of yours, you don't have very often. After the wedding breakfast, which takes place directly after you come from the church, all the guests go home, even the maids of honor and the ushers. The married couple remain at home and dine with their parents or relatives. In the evening they play billiards or cards, just as on an ordinary night; the newly married couple entertain each other. [Gilberte _and_ Jean _rise, and hand in hand slowly retire_ C.] Then, before midnight, good night!

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_aside_]

Which is altogether very _bourgeois_!

MARTINEL [_sits_ R. _upon the sofa beside_ Mme. de Ronchard]

As to newly married couples--instead of going on that absurd and traditional thing you call a honeymoon, it is far better for them to go at once to the apartment or house prepared for them. I dare say you will think my plan lacking in fashion and display, but I cannot help that. For myself, I must say that I like absence of all ostentation.

Mme. De Ronchard. Your plan is not according to the customs of polite society, Monsieur.

Martinel. Polite society, indeed! Why, there are thirty-six different kinds of polite society. For instance, take Havre.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_interrupts_]

I know only ours. [_Corrects herself._] That is, I mean to say, mine, which is the correct one.

Martinel. Oh, naturally, naturally! Nevertheless, simple as it may be, this marriage is an acknowledged fact, and I hope that you have taken into your good books my dear nephew, who, until now--

Mme. De Ronchard. I can hardly help doing so since he is my brother's son-in-law, and my niece's husband.

Martinel. Well, that is not the only thing, is it? I am very happy that the affair is over--although my life has been spent in the midst of difficulties.

Mme. De Ronchard. What! Your life?

Martinel. I mean commercial difficulties, not matrimonial.

Mme. De Ronchard. What commercial difficulties can you have--you, a Croesus who has just given five hundred thousand francs in dowry to his nephew. [_With a sigh._] Five hundred thousand francs! Just what my late husband squandered.

Martinel. Oh! Yes, I know that, Madame de Ronchard.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_sighs again_]

I was ruined and deserted after just one year of married life, Monsieur--one year. I just had time to realize how happy I could be, for the scoundrel, the wretch, knew how to make me love him.

Martinel. Then he was a scoundrel?

Mme. De Ronchard. Oh! Monsieur, he was a man of fashion.

Martinel. Well, that did not prevent him from--

Mme. De Ronchard. Oh, don't let us talk any more about my misfortunes. It would be too long and too sad, and everybody else is so happy here just now.

Martinel. And I am happier than anybody else, I assure you. My nephew is such a good fellow. I love him as I would a son. Now, as for myself, I made my fortune in trade--

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_aside_]

That is very evident.

MARTINEL [_resumes_]

In the sea-going trade. But my nephew will gain fame for our name by his renown as an artist; the only difference between us is that he makes his fortune with his brushes, and I have made mine with ships. Art, to-day, Madame, may be as important as trade, but it is less profitable. Take my nephew. Although he has made a very early success, it is I who have enabled him to. When my poor brother died, his wife following him almost immediately, I found myself, while quite a young man, left alone with this baby. Well, I made him learn everything that I could. He studied chemistry, music, and literature, but he had a leaning toward art more than to the other things. I assure you that I encouraged him in it, and you see how he has succeeded. He is only just thirty, is well known, and has just been decorated.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_dryly_]

Thirty years old, and only just decorated; that is slow for an artist.

Martinel. Pshaw! He will make up for lost time. [_Rises_] But I am afraid I am getting boastful. You must pardon me, I am a plain man, and just now a little exhilarated by dining. It is all Petitpré's fault. His Burgundy is excellent. It is a wine that you may say is a friend to wisdom. And we are accustomed to drink a good deal at Havre. [_Takes up his glass of brandy and finishes it._]

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_aside_]

Surely that is enough about Havre.

MARTINEL [_turns to_ Mme. de Ronchard]

Well, there is a treaty between us--a treaty which will last--which no foolishness can break, such as that which has failed to break this marriage.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_rises and crosses_ L.]

Foolishness! You speak very lightly about it. But now that the marriage is a thing accomplished, it is all right. I had destined my niece for another sphere than a painter's world. However, when you can't get a thrush, eat a blackbird, as the proverb says.

Martinel. But a white blackbird, Madame, for your niece is a pearl. Let me tell you, the happiness of these children will be the happiness of my declining years.

Mme. De Ronchard. I wish that it may be, Monsieur, without daring to hope for it.

Martinel. Never mind. There are two things on which I am an expert--the merits of women and of wine.

Mme. DE RONCHARD [_aside_]

Especially upon the latter.

Martinel. They are the only two things worth knowing in life.