Play on Words

full length · drama

Original Plays [First Series]

6 roles (0M / 0F / 6 any) · approx 373–517 minutes · 18 acts

Royalty-free Public domain — free to read, perform, and adapt. No licence needed.

Characters

All lead 24 speeches
Judge lead 16 speeches
Counsel supporting 7 speeches
Dramatis Personæ supporting 5 speeches
Usher supporting 5 speeches
Defendant supporting 5 speeches

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_SCENE, same as Acts I. and II._

_LUTIN discovered sitting, in deep dejection. ZAYDA is at his feet trying to arouse him. ETHAIS is lying insensible at entrance to bower, covered with a mantle._

_Zay._ Come, Lutin, speak to me--for hours in vain I’ve sought to wean thee from thine inner self; I’ve sung in vain to thee--thou wilt not sing--

_Lut._ I can not sing.

_Zay._ Or dance?

_Lut._ I do not dance.

_Zay._ Then let us float on yonder silver stream (_they rise_), Or plunge headlong into its mossy depths, And wander, hand in hand, from grot to grot; Or, if thou wilt, I’ll whirl thee through the air, And light with thee on yon tall pinnacle. Come, Lutin--take my hand, and we’ll away!

_Lut._ Don’t be ridiculous! I do not fly! You’re very good--you mean it well, I know-- But I’ve no taste for such alarming joys. I can’t help thinking of my lost Darine, _She_ was so much too good for me, and now _I_ am so much too good for her!

_Zay._ Alas! Dost thou love _her_?

_Lut._ I can’t help loving her.

_Zay._ Dismiss the worthless creature from thy thoughts. I know her well--she don’t deserve thy love! She always was a very wicked girl.

_Lut._ Wicked? The best of women!

_Zay._ (_maliciously_). So she _seemed_.

_Lut._ She had her faults, I know.

_Zay._ She hath a soul In which hypocrisy, intemperance, Hate, envy, vanity, untruthfulness Run riot at their will!

_Lut._ (_astonished_). You don’t say so? I’d no idea of this--(_weeping_)

_Zay._ As for her crimes--

_Lut._ Tell me the worse at once!

_Zay._ The worst? No, that Would be _too_ cruel--but--bigamy’s the best!

_Lut._ What! Bigamy! Has she _two_ husbands, then?

_Zay._ Two? Half-a-dozen!

_Lut._ What!

_Zay._ Why even now She seeks to add a seventh to her list! Sir Ethais--

_Lut._ Ah, there I’ve thwarted her.

_Enter DARINE, who goes to ETHAIS. She overhears what follows._

I have a potion that will heal his wounds; She begged it of me, but I cheated her, And put into her hands a sleeping draught. By this time he’s as helpless as the dead, And she may shout until she wakes the dead, Before she wakes him!

(_DARINE comes forward. Exit ZAYDA, in terror._)

_Dar._ (_down_). Why, thou envious churl-- Thou wanton trifler with the purest fire That ever burnt in love-sick woman’s breast, Why hast thou done this thing?

_Lut._ She does not quail Beneath her injured Lutin’s outraged eye, (_she goes up to ETHAIS_) But calmly asks him why he’s done this thing!

_Dar._ Say, is he dead? Come--answer quickly!

_Lut._ Well, He’s dead to all intents and purposes.

_Dar._ How has he injured thee?

_Lut._ He hasn’t as yet; And I’ll take care he don’t!

_Dar._ Oh, misery! In half-an-hour my brothers will be here; In half-an-hour he must return to earth! (_Referring to ETHAIS_) Awake, insensate knight--arouse thee, dolt! I--I, Darine, am waiting here for thee. Dost thou not hear me? Ethais, awake!

_Lut._ Oh--shout away!

_Dar._ Oh! I will be revenged! (_To LUTIN_). I know not why thou wagest bitter war Against my unoffending happiness; But I will thwart thy schemes. Sir Phyllon comes! [_Enter PHYLLON._ Come hither, Phyllon--come to me, fair knight! Say, dost thou love me still?

_Phy._ Indeed I do!

_Dar._ (_To LUTIN._) Thou hearest him--he _loves_ me!

(_To PHYLL._) Tenderly?

_Phy._ Most tenderly! (_Embracing her._)

_Dar._ He loves _most_ tenderly! _He_ is awake!

_Lut._ Yes, much too wide awake! Disreputable woman, let him be! Unhand this lady!

_Dar._ Why, thou selfish knave, May I love nobody on earth but _thee_?

_Lut._ Of course you may not!

_Dar._ Go, sir, get thee gone! There are fair maids enough awaiting thee; I do not interfere ’twixt thee and them.

_Lut._ Well no, to do you justice, you do _not_! I do not want them. I’m a married man! What married man cares twopence for intrigues At which his wife connives?

_Phy._ Is this thy wife?

_Lut._ I blush to say she is!

_Dar._ (_amazed_). I am thy wife! Oh, monstrous! Stay, there has been some mistake, Some dreadful error! See, I’ve found a clew! No doubt I am her fairy prototype, In face resembling her, but that is all.

_Lut._ Then thou art _not_ my wife?

_Dar._ Not I, indeed! (_LUTIN kisses her._) I am a fairy. Be thou reassured; Thy wife is on the earth (_kisses her again_)--Give me the charm To cure my Ethais, and sit thee down (_he gives it to her_), And I will send for Zayda and Locrine, And thou shalt talk of love to both of them.

_Lut._ Well no--upon the whole--I’d rather not.

(_DARINE administers the potion to ETHAIS, who gradually revives._)

I have reformed, Darine, and had I not, I don’t think I could talk to them of love With all the eloquence the theme deserves, In the distracting company of one, Who, if she’s not in point of fact my wife, Is so uncomfortably like my wife, That she may be my wife for aught I know; And more than that, I can’t stand tamely by And notice with uninterested gaze A lady, who’s so very like my wife, Hanging on everybody’s neck but mine. Don’t send for Zayda--I’m a married man! [_Exit._

_Dar._ He wakes! He lives--my own, own Ethais!

_Eth._ (_awaking_). Why--where am I? Have I then been asleep?

_Dar._ Indeed thou hast! See, thou must soon return To yonder earth--I’ve much to say to thee.

_Eth._ But how came I to sleep? I recollect! Thou gavest me a potion, and I--(_Sees PHYLLON_) Ha! (_Flies at his throat._) So I’m a cur, Sir Liar, and my wound Is but a scratch which I have magnified That I might shun the terrors of thy sword!

_Phy._ Hands off, thou drunken madman! Set me free. I never said these things!

_Eth._ Thou craven cur, Dost thou then fear to reap before my face The crop that thou hast sown behind my back? Thy life shall pay for this!

_Phy._ (_contemptuously_). I am not wont To weigh the words I speak to such as thou. No need to taint _thine_ honor with a lie. Why, Ethais, the truth is black enough; I know thee as a brawling tavern bully, A hollow friend--a cruel unsparing foe-- A reckless perjurer--a reprobate-- The curse of woman and the scourge of man! (_Shaking him off._) Is not the _truth_ enough, that I should grudge The one brute-virtue of thy satyr-soul-- The instinct courage of a hungry dog!

_Eth._ (_with suppressed fury_). I’ll place these charges to the long account That I’ve to settle when we go below! (_To DAR._) Didst thou not tell me he had said these things?

_Dar._ I did, indeed!

_Phy._ And by what warrant, pray?

_Dar._ It was an artifice to gain thy love. (_To ETHAIS._) Has man monopoly of lover’s lies? Forgive me, Phyllon--

_Phy._ Bah? Release my hand, Thou shameless woman--I have done with thee. [_Exit_ PHYL.

_Dar._ Oh! Ethais, be not enraged with me-- Think of my love--

_Eth._ The devil take thy love-- I’ll none of it! Begone! See, hither comes The woman that thy bitter lie hath wronged. Hast thou the heart to stand before her?

_Dar._ No! [_Exit._

_Enter SELENE from bower._

_Sel._ Thou here? and with Darine!

_Eth._ Stay, hear me out! It’s true I’ve trifled with thy love, but then Thy love is not as mortal woman’s love. I did not know that it would move thee thus?

_Sel._ Thou didst not know! Art thou so dull that thou canst understand No pain that is not wreaked upon _thy_ frame? Hast thou no knowledge of the form of woe That comes of cheated hopes and trampled hearts? To find _thy_ love a lie, _thy_ kiss a jest, The bywords of _thy_ love a mockery? Oh, there are words For other agonies, but none for this!

_Eth._ Nay, hear me! I have wronged thee bitterly-- I will atone for all!

_Sel._ Thou shalt atone; I’ll be the curse of thy remaining years! Harkye, Sir Knight, I’ll yield my fairyhood That I may go to yonder earth, and join The whispering sisterhood of hidden hate. The busy band who bear within their lips The deadliest weapon of earth’s armory: A blighting tongue--a woman’s blighting tongue! I will so deftly wield this talisman To twist and turn and torture good to ill, That were it in thee to amend thy ways, Turn anchorite, and yield to holy deeds Of peace and prayer, goodwill and charity, Thy holiness should seem an infamy, Thy peace a war, thy charity a theft, Thy calm a fury, and thy prayer a curse!

_Eth._ Stay thine unholy tongue--go thou to earth, And learn that that which thou hast undergone-- All women undergo.

_Sel._ Am I as they? I am immortal. Can a few brief years Of bitter shame and bitter sorrow weigh Against an immortality of woe? A mortal’s love is framed to last a life. But my love to outlive eternity, Blind mortal, as Eternity to Time-- So is my wrong to theirs!

_Enter LOCRINE._

_Loc._ Selene, see, Through the far distant air, with rapid flight, Our absent brothers wing their way to us; [_Enter ZAYDA and LUTIN._ These mortals must return to their own earth!

_Lut._ Now by my head, but this is welcome news!

_Zay._ (_horrified_). Return to earth? No, Lutin; no, not yet. Life without Lutin! what can that be worth?

_Lut._ I can not tell you for I never tried. [_Enter DARINE and PHYLLON struggling._ Nay, seek not to detain me; I have had Enough of fairy love--I seek my wife.

_Phy._ Come, Ethais; to earth, to earth again!

_Dar._ (_releasing him_). Ay, go, and take thy fellow man with thee (_LUTIN and PHYLLON descend._) We want but this to crown our misery!

_ETHAIS, about to follow him, is detained by SELENE._

_Sel._ (_suddenly_) No! no! Thou shalt not go, thou shalt not go! My hope--my shattered hope; but still, my hope! My love--my blighted love; but still, my love! My life--my ruined life; but still my life! Forgive me, Ethais: thou hast withdrawn The very core and substance of thy love. No matter! give me but the empty husk, And it will stay the famine of my heart. I’ll work and toil for thee--I’ll be thy slave, Thine humble, silent, and submissive slave; I’ll come but at thy beck--I will not speak, But at thy word--my Ethais! my love! (_furiously_) Nay, but I’ll hold thee back! I have the strength Of fifty women! See, thou canst not go! (_with passionate triumph._) Nay, but I’ll _wrest_ thy love away from thee, And fetter it in bondage to my heart. I will be one with thee; I’ll cling to thee, And thou _shalt_ take me to that world of thine.

_Eth._ Take _thee_ to earth? I love the earth too well To curse it with another termagant. We have enough of them! Release me, fool! Man hath no appetite for proffered love! Away from me, I go to that good world Where women are not devils till they die!

[_Throws off SELENE, who falls senseless. He leaps through cloud, and descends. As ETHAIS disappears, the fairies, who have grouped themselves about the stage in attitudes of despair, gradually seem to wake as from a dream._]

_Sel._ Where am I? Zayda! Neodie! Darine! Oh, sisters, I am waking from a dream-- A fearful dream--a dream of evil thoughts, Of mortal passion and of mortal hate, I thought that Ethais and Phyllon too Had gone to mid-earth--

_Zay._ Nay, it was no dream, A sad and sorrowful reality! Yes, we have suffered much--but, Heaven be praised, These mortal souls have gone to their own earth, And taken with them the bad influence That spread like an infection through our ranks. See! we are as we were! (_Embracing her._)

_Sel._ Darine! Darine! My well-beloved sister--speak to me!

_Dar._ I dare not speak to thee--I have no words-- I am ashamed.

_Sel._ Oh, sister, let that shame Sit heavily on all--for all have sinned. Oh, let us lay this lesson to our hearts; Let us achieve our work with humbled souls, Free from the folly of self-righteousness. Behold, is there so wide a gulf between The humbled wretch who, being tempted, falls, And that good man who rears an honored head Because temptation hath not come to him? Shall we, from our enforced security, Deal mercilessly with poor mortal man, Who struggles, single-handed, to defend The demon-leaguered fortress of his soul? Shall we not rather (seeing how we fell) Give double honor to the champion, who Throughout his mortal peril, holds his own, E’en though His walls be somewhat battered in the fight? Oh let us lay this lesson to our hearts!

_Enter LUTIN, followed by ETHAIS and PHYLLON, as fairies._

_Lut._ Your brothers have returned.

_Sel._ (_embracing ETHAIS_). My Ethais!

_Eth._ Selene--sisters all--rejoice with us, We bear the promise of a priceless gift, A source of new and endless happiness! (_All eager to know._) Take every radiant blessing that adorns Our happy land, and all will pale before The luster of this precious privilege. It is--that we may love as mortals love!

_Sel._ (_eagerly_). No, no--not that--no Ethais--not that! It is a deadly snare--beware of it! Such love is for mankind, and not for us; It is the very essence of the earth, A mortal emblem, bringing in its train The direst passions of its antitype. No, Ethais--we will not have this love; Let us glide through our immortality Upon the placid lake of sister-love, Nor tempt the angry billows of a sea, Which, though it carry us to unknown lands, Is so beset with rocks and hidden shoals, That we may perish ere our vessel reach The unsafe haven of its distant shore. No, Ethais--we will not have this love!

PYGMALION AND GALATEA:

_An Original Mythological Comedy,_

Dramatis Personæ. PYGMALION, _an Athenian Sculptor_, MR. KENDAL. LEUCIPPE, _a Soldier_ MR. HOWE. CHRYSOS, _an Art Patron_ MR. BUCKSTONE. AGESIMOS, _Chrysos’s Slave_ MR. BRAID. MIMOS, _Pygmalion’s Slave_ MR. WEATHERSBY. GALATEA, _an Animated Statue_ MISS M. ROBERTSON. CYNISCA, _Pygmalion’s Wife_ MISS CAROLINE HILL. DAPHNE, _Chrysos’s Wife_ MRS. CHIPPENDALE. MYRINE, _Pygmalion’s Sister_ MISS MERTON.

_SCENE: PYGMALION’S STUDIO._

⁂ _The action is comprised within the space of twenty-four hours._

PYGMALION AND GALATEA.