Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales

(_The same characters, and_ M. de Sallus.)

M. DE SALLUS [_enters. To_ Jacques de Randol, _who has risen to take his leave_]

Well, you are not going again, are you? Why, it seems that I need only come in to make you take your leave.

Jacques De Randol. No, no, my dear fellow; you don't make me go, but I must.

M. De Sallus. That is just what I say. You always go the very moment I come in. Of course, I understand that a husband is less attractive than a wife. But, at least, let me believe that _I_ am not objectionable to you. [_Laughs_.]

Jacques De Randol. On the contrary, my dear fellow, you know I like you. And if you would acquire the habit of coming into your own house without ringing the bell, you would never find me taking my leave when you come.

M. De Sallus. How is that? Is it not natural to ring the door bell?

Jacques De Randol. Oh, yes; but a ring of the bell always makes me feel that I must go, and surely, coming into your own house, you can dispense with that habit.

M. De Sallus. I don't understand you.

Jacques De Randol. Why, it is very simple. When I visit people whom I like, such as Madame de Sallus and yourself, I do not expect to meet the Paris that flutters from house to house in the evening, gossiping and scandalizing. I have had my experience of gossip and tittle-tattle. It needs only one of these talkative dames or men to take away all the pleasure there is for me in visiting the lady on whom I happen to have called. Sometimes when I am anchored perforce upon my seat, I feel lost; I do not know how to get away. I have to take part in the whirlpool of foolish chatter. I know all the set questions and answers better than I do the catechism itself, and it bores me to have to remain until the very end and hear the very last opinion of some fool upon the comedy, or the book, or the divorce, or the marriage, or the death that is being discussed. Now, do you understand why I always get up and go at the sound of a bell?

M. DE SALLUS [_laughs_]

What you say is very true. Drawing-rooms now are not habitable from four o'clock to seven, and our wives have no right to complain if we leave them to go to the club.

Mme. DE SALLUS [_sarcastically_]

Nevertheless, I do not see my way to receiving ballet girls, or chorus girls, or actresses, or so-called painters, poets, musicians, and others--in order to keep you near me.

M. De Sallus. I do not ask so much as that. All I desire is a few witty fellows, some charming women, and by no means a crowd.

Mme. De Sallus. You talk nonsense; you cannot pick and choose.

Jacques De Randol. No, truly, you cannot sift and strain the flow of idiocy that you meet in the drawing-rooms of to-day.

M. De Sallus. Why?

Mme. De Sallus. Simply because it is as it is--to-day.

M. De Sallus. What a pity! How I should love the intimacy of a small and carefully selected circle of men and women.

Mme. De Sallus. You?

M. De Sallus. Yes, why not?

Mme. DE SALLUS [_laughs_]

Ha, ha, ha! What a charming little intimate circle you would bring to me! Ha, ha, ha! The fascinating men, and the fashionable women that you would invite! My dear sir, it is I who would leave the house then.

M. De Sallus. My dear girl, I only asked for three or four women like yourself.

Mme. De Sallus. Pray repeat that.

M. De Sallus. Three or four such women as you.

Mme. De Sallus. If you need four, I can understand how you found your house lonesome.

M. De Sallus. You understand very well what I wish to say, and it is not necessary for me to explain myself. And you know that you need only be alone to please me better than I could possibly be pleased elsewhere.

Mme. De Sallus. Really, I do not recognize you. I am afraid you must be ill--very ill. You are not going to die, are you?

M. De Sallus. Oh, chaff me as much as you like, you won't worry me.

Mme. De Sallus. And is this mood of yours going to last?

M. De Sallus. Forever.

Mme. De Sallus. Men often change.

M. DE SALLUS [_turns to_ Jacques de Randol]

My dear Randol, will you give us the pleasure of your company at dinner to-night? You may help me to turn aside the epigrams that my wife seems to have barbed and ready for me.

Jacques De Randol. A thousand thanks, my dear Sallus! You are very, very good, but unfortunately, I am not free.

M. De Sallus. But, my dear fellow, send your excuses.

Jacques De Randol. I cannot.

M. De Sallus. Are you dining in town?

Jacques De Randol. Yes, well--not altogether. I have an appointment at nine o'clock.

M. De Sallus. Is it very important?

Jacques De Randol. Very important

M. De Sallus. With a lady?

Jacques De Randol. My dear fellow, what a question!

M. De Sallus. Oh, I am discreet! But that need not prevent you from dining with us.

Jacques De Randol. Thank you, my dear fellow, I cannot.

M. De Sallus. You know you can go away when you wish.

Jacques De Randol. But I am not in evening dress.

M. De Sallus. I can easily send for your things.

Jacques De Randol. No, truly, thank you; I cannot.

M. DE SALLUS [_to_ Mme. de Sallus]

My dear girl, won't you keep Randol?

Mme. De Sallus. Why ask me? You know that I have no influence over him.

M. De Sallus. You are charming enough to influence the world this evening, so why can't you make him stay?

Mme. De Sallus. Good gracious! I cannot make my friends stay in order to please you, and keep them in your house against their wish. Bring _your_ friends.

M. De Sallus. Well, I shall remain at home this evening in any case, and we shall then be _tête-à-tête_.

Mme. De Sallus. Really?

M. De Sallus. Yes.

Mme. De Sallus. You will be at home all the evening?

M. De Sallus. All the evening.

Mme. DE SALLUS [_sarcastically_]

Good gracious! How you surprise me--and how you honor me!

M. De Sallus. No, it is a pleasure to be with you.

Mme. De Sallus. What a charming mood you are in to-night!

M. De Sallus. Now ask Randol to remain.

Mme. De Sallus. My dear sir, Monsieur de Randol will do as he pleases. He knows that I am always glad to see him. [_Rises, and after reflecting for a second_.] Will you dine with us, Monsieur de Randol? You know you can go directly after dinner.

Jacques De Randol. With the greatest pleasure, Madame.

Mme. De Sallus. Excuse my absence for a minute. It is eight o'clock, and I must give some new directions for dinner.

[_Exit_ Mme. de Sallus.]