Original Plays [First Series]

SCENE.--_The Avenue of Palms--night. CHRYSAL discovered with a drawn sword in his hand._

_Enter GÉLANOR._

_Gélan._ Chrysal, alone! And with a naked sword!

_Chrys._ I’m waiting Zoram. I have challenged him. He meets me here--the Avenue of Palms.

_Gélan._ Has he offended you?

_Chrys._ Most grievously. You heard the words he used to me to-day?

_Gélan._ I did.

_Chrys._ Then blood must flow. I am a knight. My knightly honor claims this sacrifice, I’ve been insulted--one of us must die!

_Gélan._ You are a valiant man, if one may judge By your demeanor.

_Chrys._ (_very valiantly_). My demeanor? Bounce! Mere idle empty froth and nothing more. Why, notwithstanding that I look so brave, I’d give the riches of a universe To find some decent means of backing out; But, no, my honor must be satisfied! If I endured with patience Zoram’s taunts, I should deserve to have my knightly spurs Struck from my heels! ’Sdeath, sir, I’m bound to fight!

_Gélan._ Is Zoram a good swordsman?

_Chrys._ Not at all. I’m far more skilled--but still I can’t repress A certain sense of terror. Accident May give him victory.

_Gélan._ Apologize!

_Chrys._ (_indignantly_). To Zoram? Never! Would you have me stain My hitherto untarnished ’scutcheon? Shame! Stand back--he comes!

_Enter ZORAM, with drawn sword._

Well, sir, you’ve kept your word.

_Zor._ Of course I have!

_Chrys._ (_very sternly_). I’m very much surprised-- I may say disappointed--to remark That you’re prepared to fight, and do not show The signs of terror that I hoped to see.

_Zor._ (_very bravely_). Oh, sir, I pray you don’t deceive yourself! My valiant manner hides an inward fear That almost robs me of the power of thought! Chrysal, you’ve grievously insulted me, My sense of honor forces me to fight! But I would rather have my hand cut off (Could that be done without inflicting pain) Than measure swords with you!

_Chrys._ You craven hound!

_Zor._ Craven yourself!

_Chrys._ (_furiously_). I am, but you don’t know it, You musical impostor!

_Zor._ Ha, what’s that? I can stand much abuse and never flinch, But when you twit me with my ignorance Of musical expressions, blood alone (Unless we’re interrupted) can extract The venom of the insult! Come! On guard! (_They fight._)

_Gélan._ (_aside_). These donkeys must not fight! (_Aloud_) Come--let me try To reconcile you.

_Chrys._ Reconcile us? No! But you can interfere to stop the fight! (_They desist._)

_Zor._ (_looking reproachfully at GÉLANOR_). I little thought when I called Chrysal on, That such a venerable gentleman Would suffer two impetuous headstrong youths To cut each other’s throats.

_Gélan._ Come, come--desist.

_Chrys._ This hound abused me!

_Zor._ He insulted me!

_Both._ Our honor must be satisfied! (_They cross swords._)

_Gélan._ No, no-- Attend to me. Within these crystal walls A strange mysterious influence prevails: All men are bound to speak the plainest truth! And this they do, without suspecting it. (_To ZORAM_) When Chrysal spoke the words that angered you He did not mean to speak them. He believed That he was paying you a compliment. (_To CHRYSAL_) When Zoram said that he considered you A systematic liar, mean, poor, base, Selfish, and sordid, cruel, tyrannical, ’Twas what he _thought_--not what he would have _said_!

_Chrys._ I see--if that was only what he _thought_ It makes a difference.

_Gélan._ What _could_ he say? He was compelled, you know, to speak the truth.

_Chrys._ Of course, I understand. Zoram, your hand!

_Zor._ With pleasure. (_Shaking hands with CHRYSAL._) Chrysal, I should like to say That I esteem you--but indeed I can’t. My detestation of you knows no bounds.

_Chrys._ How, sir? A fresh affront?

_Zor._ What can I do? I try my best to say agreeable things, But you’re so utterly contemptible! I’d put it more politely, but I can’t! I’m bound against my will to speak the truth! I’d not insult you openly, for worlds-- Indeed, it’s only what I _think_ of you!

_Chrys._ If it is only what you _think_ of me, Why say no more; give me your hand again-- My knightly honor’s amply satisfied! [_They sheathe their swords, then exeunt arm in arm._

_Gélan._ So dies that breeze away! Oh, honor, honor! Let no one take you at the estimate Your self-elected champions price you at! More harm is worked in that one virtue’s name, Than springs from half the vices of the earth!

_Enter QUEEN ALTEMIRE, in violent rage._

_Altem._ Why, Gélanor, this is no spot for you, You’d better go--the King will wish you gone.

_Gélan._ Indeed! And why?

_Altem._ I’ll tell you, Gélanor, His majesty has an appointment here. Oh, Gélanor, I’ve been alone with him This afternoon, and I have learnt such things! Why, even here--despite the castle’s charm, Despite the sacred influence of the place, He prosecutes his infidelities! At first he persecuted Mirza, but Failing to find much favor in her eyes, He looked for other game. Why, Gélanor, He meets some woman called Azèma here, At ten o’clock to-night!

_Gélan._ The deuce he does!

_Altem._ Then I resolved to know the very worst. I locked him in my room and questioned him For full three hours about his married life. Oh, I elicited such fearful things! Why, Gélanor, there’s not a woman’s name In all the long baptismal catalogue That’s not identified with his intrigues! Tall, short, stout, slender, fair, dark, old and young, High, low, rich, poor, good, bad, maid, widow, wife, Of every country and of every clime! All’s fish that his nets catch!

_Gélan._ And a king’s net Is very comprehensive. Here she comes!

_Enter AZÈMA._

_Altem._ Is this the woman? Tell me, who are you?

_Azèma._ I am Azèma.

_Altem._ And _I_ am the Queen!

_Azèma._ (_bowing_). Then, madam, you’re extremely in the way.

_Altem._ How so?

_Azèma._ I’ve an appointment with the King, Of which you are entirely unaware; But though I’m much annoyed to find you here, I’m glad to find you here with Gélanor.

_Altem._ And why?

_Azèma._ If our intrigue should come to light, We can retaliate by giving out That you and Gélanor are just as bad.

_Altem._ Upon my word!

_Gélan._ Oh, this is past belief!

_Altem._ Infamous hussy, you shall pay for this!

_Azèma._ Why, madam, how have _I_ offended you?

_Altem._ How?--you are here to meet the King, alone; At night--by pre-arrangement--in the dark!

_Azèma._ Oh, madam, this indeed is terrible! That poor Azèma should be charged with this! It’s true I’ve an appointment with the King, But as you’re not aware of it, your words Are utterly unjustifiable. These flashing eyeballs and this angry blush (At least I hope I’m blushing) represent The noble rage of outraged innocence. I’ll to the King, and let him know at once How, as I wandered through the grove, alone, _I_ found you here with wicked Gélanor, At night--by pre-arrangement--in the dark. Oh, shame upon you--shame upon you, Queen! [_Exit AZÈMA--ALTEMIRE and GÉLANOR stand confounded._

_Gélan._ Your majesty, I think I’d better go.

_Altem._ Absurd! the notion is preposterous! You’re old enough to be my father.

_Gélan._ Quite! And wise enough to know that proper folk Will only say “that makes the matter worse!”

_Altem._ But surely here, in this enchanted home, Where all are bound to speak the truth, our word Will guarantee our perfect innocence!

_Gélan._ Yes, if the King is pleased to take our word; But, as you’ve brought a charge against the King, Analogous to that which will be brought Against ourselves, he may ignore the fact That truth is truth. No, no, upon the whole, I think, your majesty, I’d better go! [_Exit GÉLANOR._

_Enter PALMIS and ZEOLIDE, ZEOLIDE weeping._

_Palmis._ Nay, do not weep, dear mistress.

_Zeo._ Ah, my friend, What comfort can _you_ offer me?

_Palmis._ I’ve heard That when one is oppressed with weight of woe, Some solace may be found in dwelling on The grief of one more sorely laden still.

_Zeo._ More sorely laden? Where will Zeolide Find one whose misery outweighs her own?

_Palmis._ Your misery, though great, is but a grain When balanced in the scales with mine!

_Zeo._ With yours?

_Palmis._ Yes; Philamir respects you. He esteems Your moral excellence, although no doubt He does not love you as a lover should; But Chrysal always hated me, and sought To gain that love I gave so willingly To hasten his promotion at the Court. Your case and mine are different. Besides, You angered Philamir. I never gave My Chrysal any reason for his hate.

_Zeo._ How did I anger him?

_Palmis._ Your petulance Annoyed him.

_Zeo._ Petulance! He told me that He only liked me!

_Altem._ (_coming forward_). True, but you forget He was compelled to speak the plainest truth, And knew not that he spoke it. He believed (While he was telling you he loved you not) That he was breathing ardent words of love; Believing this, your reasonable rage Seemed in his eyes irrational caprice, And changed his waning love to sheer dislike.

_Zeo._ Is this the truth then?

_Altem._ Yes, I think it is. The test has been exceedingly severe.

_Zeo._ I’ll wed no man who can not stand this test.

_Palmis._ Then, Zeolide, you’ll surely die a maid!

_Altem._ Come, come, be reasonable. Philamir Is but a man--a vain and idle one, But under this veneer of coxcombry There’s sterling stuff. The man is honest gold, And vanity has silver-plated him.

_Palmis._ At all events, you know he _likes_ you well. How many maidens when they wed a man Have reason to be sure of half as much!

_Zeo._ But then his love for Mirza!

_Altem._ Idle pique! No doubt he hoped--as other lovers hope-- In the fierce whirlpool of a new-born love To drown remembrance of the love just dead. Here comes the Lady Mirza! We will go, And leave you with her. Tell her every thing; She is a noble lady--wise and pure! She will not rob you of your Philamir. There--tell her all!

_Zeo._ Forgive me, mother dear, My heart is softened. I have been unjust. [_Exeunt ALTEMIRE and PALMIS._

_Enter MIRZA._

_Mirza._ Oh, Zeolide, I know what you would say. Say on, dear Zeolide, and have no fear.

_Zeo._ Mirza, for three long years we two have been As sisters are, and I would speak to you As younger sister speaks to elder-born. Give me your counsel, Mirza, it will be As pure, as true, as honest as those eyes.

_Mirza._ If counsel such as mine can serve you aught, ’Tis thine, dear Zeolide. My sister, speak.

_Zeo._ With all my soul I love Prince Philamir. A lady--good and beautiful and wise-- Unwittingly hath robbed me of my love; She is too pure, too gentle, too divine, To seek a love that rightly is not hers. No, no, this lady hath not sought his love-- Of that I’m certain, yet she hath his love! Oh, Mirza, when my Philamir declared His love for me, I cast away the world To enter Paradise. Now, Philamir Has led this lady (all unwillingly) Within its gates, and I am left without-- A lonely wanderer ’twixt earth and heaven. Mirza, dear sister, say--what shall I do? Give me thy counsel--I’ll abide by it.

_Mirza._ No need to speak to me in parable. I am that lady whom you over-praise-- That most unhappy woman, Zeolide! Despite myself, I must admit the truth, I do love Philamir--shrink not from me. Mine is no idle love. Four years ago, Ere you had ever seen Prince Philamir, I was a lady of his father’s Court. He loved me even then, and I loved him-- No need to tell you, dearest Zeolide, The nature of that love; you know too well How women love who love Prince Philamir! We were betrothed, but secretly. Alas! I was a humble waiting lady, he A mighty Prince--so we concealed our love. Then it was rumored that he sought your hand, That policy, the curse of kings, required That he should marry you. Then I fell ill-- (_Struggling with her emotion_) Pass over that. Let it suffice that I Released him--for I loved him passing well!

_Zeo._ (_amazed_). I never knew of this!

_Mirza._ No, Zeolide, I’ve learnt to bear my sorrow silently. But for the sacred genius of this spot, Whose influence no mortal can resist, My secret would have passed away with me. But I was true to you; for though I saw How coldly you received his vows of love--

_Zeo._ (_rising astonished_). Coldly! Why, every word he spoke to me Rang through my brain, and would have waked up love Had love been dead!

_Mirza._ I thought you loved him not. But though I grieved for him, yet when he spake (As he at times would speak) of our old love, I checked him with a simulated scorn, For then, dear Zeolide, I loved you both!

_Zeo._ You love me still?

_Mirza._ Most heartily!

_Zeo._ Why, then, Have mercy on me, give me Philamir-- He is the soul and essence of my life! Dear sister Mirza, give him back to me. Oh, rather take my life than take my love, And leave me here to linger on, alone!

_Mirza._ Fear not, dear Zeolide, I love him well, But I will never see his face again!

_Zeo._ Promise me this--swear to renounce his love!

_Mirza._ As there’s a shining sun in heaven I swear! See, I am brave, and I will fight my love As I have fought ere this. Take courage, dear, I’ll leave this place to-night, and Philamir Shall ne’er set eyes upon my face again. There, go--I’ll tell him this. He’s coming now-- Go dry your eyes--he should not see them so. Come back again when they are at their best. [_Exit ZEOLIDE._

_Enter PHILAMIR._

_Phil._ Mirza--I have some words to say to you-- The diary you lost to-day?

_Mirza._ (_eagerly_). Well, sir, And have you found it?

_Phil._ Mirza, I have found A portion of it--one loose leaf--behold! (_Producing page._)

_Mirza._ And you have read it, Philamir?

_Phil._ (_guiltily_). I have!

_Mirza._ Oh, shame upon you--shame upon you, sir! You gave your knightly word--you are forsworn!

_Phil._ But, Mirza, hear me out, ere you condemn. I saw a paper tossed before the wind, And little dreaming ’twas your diary, I picked it up. I knew not what it was Till I began to read it. Then I knew, And knowing so much, burnt to know still more!

_Mirza._ But when you knew it held my secret thoughts, You read no further?

_Phil._ (_abashed_). Mirza, I read on!

_Mirza._ Lost! lost! Give me that leaf, Prince Philamir; You have deceived me, sir--I trusted you.

_Phil._ But, Mirza, where is the knight who would have stopped When of himself he read such words as these?-- (_Reads_) “I still love Philamir, but I must strive To battle with my love. Oh, give me grace To fight this fight.”

_Mirza._ I charge you read no more!

_Phil._ “By day his every look--his every word-- Renews some mem’ry that should be long dead; By night the phantom of my loved one’s face Burns in my eyes and robs me of my rest!”

_Mirza._ My secret has gone forth. I strove to keep That love as silent as my silent heart; But it was not to be. You now know all! Yet no--not all!

_Phil._ Then, Mirza, tell me all. Speak openly--hide nothing from me now.

_Mirza._ I will speak openly. I love you, sir; And, loving you, I leave the Court to-night, That I may never see your face again.

_Phil._ Recall those words!--we will not--must not part! (_He detains her._)

_Enter ZEOLIDE, unobserved._

_Mirza._ Release me, Philamir, and let me go! I love you! Let me hide myself away. I love you! Leave me with myself alone. I love you! Show me gratitude for this, And leave me free to sanctify my vow, For I have sworn to see your face no more!

_Phil._ To whom have you sworn this?

_Mirza._ To Zeolide, Whom you once loved so well--who still loves you.

_Phil._ I never loved her, Mirza--who is she, That she should come between me and my love? She loves me not, and I have done with her.

_Mirza._ Oh, this will kill her, sir!

_Zeo._ No--Mirza--no! It will not kill me. I can bear this blow. (_Coming forward._) Prince Philamir, we two have been betrothed-- Your word is plighted--well, I set you free. Mirza, you swore to leave Prince Philamir-- Your word is plighted--well, I set you free. (_She takes MIRZA’S hand and places it in PHILAMIR’S._) Oh, Philamir--this is indeed the end! Be true to her--such sacred love as hers Should purify its object--oh, be true! I’m but a chapter in your book of life, I who had thought to be the book itself! The chapter’s ended, and to Zeolide The book is closed forever! Philamir, When you are tempted to do Mirza wrong, Turn to that chapter--read it through and through-- And let the tale of all that I have borne Warn you from fresh inconstancy; my grief May thus be Mirza’s safeguard to the end. Mirza--my sister--he will love you well-- Here, in the home of truth, he tells you so. May you be happy in his new-born love, May he be worthy of such love as yours-- (_To PHILAMIR_) Speak not, but let me go. (_Kisses MIRZA’S forehead._) Farewell--farewell! [_Exit ZEOLIDE, weeping--PHILAMIR and MIRZA stand for a moment gazing at each other--then they fall into each other’s arms._

_Phil._ Mirza, my own! At last--at last my own!

_Mirza._ Oh, Philamir! I am so cruelly racked By sentiments I can not reconcile, I know not whether this is joy or grief! True, when I think of Philamir, the air Seems charged with music, and the earth I tread All flowers. When I remember Zeolide I could go mad with sorrow!

_Phil._ Then, my love, Think not of Zeolide!

_Mirza._ Ah, Philamir, You speak as men speak of a worn-out love. You only know one kind of love, you men! My love for Zeolide is otherwise, Unselfish, generous, a sister’s love. Yet I have stolen from her gentle heart That which in all the world she loved the best!

_Phil._ You are too sensitive. Say, rather, she Hath freely given that she prizes least.

_Mirza._ Oh, Philamir, indeed you do her wrong, And may perchance wrong me, as you wronged her.

_Phil._ (_rising_). Impossible! For if the words I breathe Were dashed with any mockery of love, I should against my will, confess it now. Mirza, I love you! These are idle words When spoken in the unenchanted world, But, spoken here, they bear significance That rivals in its worth a life-long test! Let us exchange some trinket which shall serve As evidence of this our solemn troth. Here is my pledge. (_Giving a ring._)

_Mirza._ My love, what can I give? I have no trinkets--I am very poor!

_Phil._ A handkerchief--a glove--no matter what!

(_She feels in pocket and takes out handkerchief--the crystal box falls out with it--he picks it up and retains it._)

This crystal box--nay, give it me, ’twill serve To chronicle--

_Mirza._ (_hastily_). No, no, Prince Philamir! Not that--not that! it is a talisman!

_Phil._ Then I will steal it as I stole your heart, And I will keep it while I keep that heart.

_Mirza._ Give me that box, or I must own the truth-- That I am miserably false to all! (_Throwing herself at his feet._) That my morality is all assumed! That I am mean, and base, and treacherous! A shameless schemer! heartless--impudent! Give me that box, or I must own that I Abstracted it from Phanor’s cabinet, And substituted one that I possessed Exactly like it. I must own to you That I’m unutterably infamous-- A hypocrite--a traitress to my friend-- All this, and more, I must admit, if you Retain that talisman! Oh, give it me, And let this locket testify our love! The King! The King! The King! I am undone! [_Exit MIRZA hastily._

_Phil._ Gone, gone!--and Philamir, who thought he knew The ways of woman well, had still to learn That in one woman’s body there is place For such a goodly show of purity, And such unequalled treachery of heart! Oh, Zeolide, for how much infamy Have I rejected thine unequaled love?

_Enter PHANOR with CHRYSAL and ZORAM._

_Phan._ Congratulate me, I’m half mad with joy; Azèma comes to tell me that she found The Queen and Gélanor together here-- Alone--at night!

_Phil._ Well, sir, and what of that?

_Phan._ Nothing at all, my boy! Why that’s the joke. Old Gélanor has dandled Altemire Upon his aged knee five hundred times!

_Phil._ What--lately?

_Phan._ No! I won’t commit myself By telling you how many years ago, But long before her majesty was weaned.

_Phil._ (_shrugging his shoulders_). I see no reason to condole with you, Because her majesty and Gélanor Were here together--neither do I see Why should you be congratulated, sir!

_Phan._ You’re very dull! The Queen has just found out That I had an appointment in this grove To meet Azèma--don’t you understand? I can retort and take indignant ground. What was she doing here with Gélanor? You’ll see! (_Sees box_) Hallo! What’s that?

_Phil._ A talisman. It fell from Mirza’s pocket as you came.

_Phan._ The deuce it did! Allow me, this is mine! (_Taking it._)

_Phil._ I know: she stole it from your cabinet, She owned as much!

_Phan._ Confound her impudence!

_Phil._ Oh, I have been deceived!

_Phan._ And so have I! Most seriously deceived! Hush, here’s the Queen, And with that gay deceiver, Gélanor! The talisman has turned up just in time.

_Enter ALTEMIRE and GÉLANOR, with AZÈMA and MIRZA._

So, madam, I’ve detected you!

_Altem._ (_indignantly_). How, sir?

_Phan._ Never mind how--and you too, Gélanor. Oh, I’m ashamed of you! (_Crossing to GÉLANOR._)

_Gélan._ Your majesty, I don’t know what you mean.

_Phan._ You bad old man! (_Affecting to weep_) You whom I trusted so! (_Aside_) Don’t be alarmed, I’m not in earnest. (_Aloud_) Oh, it’s infamous! Why, let me see--how old are you?

_Gélan._ My lord, If you imply--

_Phan._ Imply! (_Aside_) Don’t be a fool, I’m not in earnest; I have found the box! (_aloud_) Explain this conduct!

_Altem._ Sir, this is a joke?

_Phan._ Well, not exactly, madam; you’ve been found Philandering at night with Gélanor. Being within the influence of these walls, You’re bound to speak the truth. If you can say Your meeting’s innocent, I’m satisfied.

_Altem._ As innocent as truth itself, I swear.

_Phan._ I’m satisfied! Your hand--

_Altem._ Nay, hear me first. I charge you with appointing here to meet Azèma; you are bound to tell the truth, Being within the influence of these walls. If you can unreservedly deny This charge, I also shall be satisfied.

_Phan._ Emphatically I deny the charge!

_Altem._ (_astounded_). You do?

_Phan._ I do! (_Piously_) This is the Home of Truth, And all are subject to its influence.

_Altem._ (_puzzled_). But you admitted it when you confessed Your gallantries to me this afternoon!

_Phan._ Oh, you’ve been dreaming!

_Altem._ Do I understand That you deny that you confessed all this?

_Phan._ Distinctly! (_Piously_) This is the Abode of Truth.

_Altem._ I _have_ been dreaming! Phanor, there’s my hand-- I’ve deeply wronged you.

_Phan._ Altemire, you have! But say no more--we are good friends again.

_Altem._ Then you forgive me?

_Phan._ Heartily I do!

_Altem._ I’ll never be a jealous fool again.

_Phan._ I’m very glad indeed to hear you say so!

_Enter ZEOLIDE--ALTEMIRE retires with GÉLANOR, and converses with ZEOLIDE--PHILAMIR, seeing ZEOLIDE, comes down abashed._

_Phan._ (_to PHILAMIR_). Well, and what’s wrong with you?

_Phil._ I’ve been a fool, A madman, and a true-born idiot!

_Phan._ By the mysterious influence of this place, I can believe it!

_Phil._ I have given up The noblest woman that I ever knew, For that abominable cockatrice Who quitted me as you arrived.

_Phan._ Well! well! You may regain her yet.

_Phil._ Impossible!

_Phan._ Oh, not at all! there--take this talisman. (ZEOLIDE _overhears this speech._) With this you’re proof against the influence That rules this place; you can declare to her That you adore the very ground she walks, And wallow in the foolish flummery That used to make you so ridiculous. She will believe it all--there, take it, boy, And make good use of it to win her back.

_Phil._ I’ll use it, Phanor, and I’ll use it well!

_Zeo._ (_aside_) He takes the box. And thus he thinks to win The hand of his forsaken Zeolide! Oh, Philamir, this is contemptible. I think I could have loved you, but for this!

_Phil._ Dear Zeolide, I hold a talisman, Enabling me to counteract the charm That reigns within these walls. With this in hand I can tell truth or falsehood as I please, And you must needs believe me. Zeolide, I’ve learned to set a value on your love Transcending all the riches of the earth; Yet would I rather live without that love-- A life of self-reproach without that love-- Repentant and alone without that love-- Than stoop to gain it by such treachery. Here is the talisman. (ZEOLIDE _takes it_.) No longer armed Against the sacred influence of Truth, I tell you of my sorrow and my love With all the warmth of a repentant heart! (_He presses ZEOLIDE to his heart and kisses her._)

_Altem._ (_indignantly_). Give me that talisman! (_Takes it_) I have a clew To much that was a mystery: Behold!

(_She breaks it--a loud crash--all come forward._)

_Enter ARISTÆUS._

_Gélan._ You know not what you’ve done! The castle’s charm Is bound up with that mystic talisman! Now that the box is broken, these fair walls Are disenchanted!

_Phan._ P’raps it’s quite as well. Now that the place has lost its influence We shall get on much better. We have learnt A lesson that should last us till we die-- We’ve learnt how matrimonial constancy By causeless jealousy is sometimes tried-- (_Looking reproachfully at ALTEMIRE._)

_Altem._ How jealousy is sometimes justified-- (_Looking reproachfully at PHANOR._)

_Chrys._ How Zoram--music’s vaunted pioneer-- Don’t even know his notes--and has no ear! Even his cant expressions are the wrong ones!

_Zor._ I _have_ an ear!

_Phan._ (_shaking his hand_). You have--two very long ones!

_Palmis._ You’ve learnt to doubt the love that those profess, Who by such love gain temporal success-- (_Looking angrily at CHRYSAL._)

_Zor._ That surly misanthropes, with venom tainted--

_Arist._ Are often not as black as they are painted!

_Azèma._ To doubt all maids who of their virtue boast: That they’re the worst who moralize the most! (_Looking at MIRZA._)

_Mirza._ That blushes, though they’re most becoming, yet Proclaim, too oft, the commonplace coquette! (_Looking at AZÈMA._) I can declare, with pardonable pride, I never blush!

_Azèma._ You couldn’t if you tried!

_Phil._ Under the influence that lately reigned Within these walls I breathed my love unfeigned; Now that that power no longer reigns above, I ratify the accents of my love. Forgive me, Zeolide, my life, my bride!

_Zeo._ (_very demurely_). I love you, Philamir--be satisfied!

TRIAL BY JURY:

_A Dramatic Cantata_,

IN ONE ACT.

Dramatis Personæ. THE LEARNED JUDGE MR. F. SULLIVAN. COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF. THE DEFENDANT MR. W. FISHER. FOREMAN OF THE JURY MR. CAMPBELL. USHER MR. KELLEHER. THE PLAINTIFF MISS BROMLEY.

BRIDESMAIDS, GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, &C.

TRIAL BY JURY.

SCENE.--_A Court of Justice._

_BARRISTERS, ATTORNEYS, and JURYMEN discovered with USHER._

_Chorus_

Hark, the hour of ten is sounding! Hearts with anxious fears are bounding; Hall of Justice crowds surrounding, Breathing hope and fear-- For to-day in this arena, Summoned by a stern subpœna, Edwin, sued by Angelina, Shortly will appear.

(_The USHER marshals the Jury into Jury-box._)

_Solo, USHER._

Now, Jurymen, hear my advice-- All kinds of vulgar prejudice I pray you set aside: With stern judicial frame of mind, From bias free of every kind, This trial must be tried.

_Chorus._

From bias free of every kind This trial must be tried.

(_During Choruses, USHER says, fortissimo, “Silence in Court!”_)

Usher. Oh, listen to the plaintiff’s case: Observe the features of her face-- The broken-hearted bride. Condole with her distress of mind-- From bias free of every kind This trial must be tried!

_Chorus._

From bias free, &c.

Usher. And when amid the plaintiff’s shrieks, The ruffianly defendant speaks-- Upon the other side; What _he_ may say you needn’t mind-- From bias free of every kind This trial must be tried.

_Chorus._

From bias free, &c.

_Enter_ DEFENDANT.

DEFENDANT, (_recit._).

Is this the Court of the Exchequer?

All. It is!

DEFENDANT (_aside_).

Be firm, my moral pecker, Your evil star’s in the ascendant!

All. Who are you?

Defendant. I’m the defendant!

_Chorus of JURYMEN (shaking their fists)_.

Monster, dread our damages! We’re the jury, Dread our fury!

Defendant. Hear me, hear me, if you please, These are very strange proceedings-- For, permit me to remark, On the merits of my pleadings, You’re at present in the dark.

(_DEFENDANT beckons to JURYMEN--they leave the box, and gather round him as they sing the following_):--

Ha! ha! ha! That’s a very true remark-- On the merits of your pleadings, We’re entirely in the dark! Ha! ha!--ha! ha!

_Song_, DEFENDANT.

When first my old, old love I knew, My bosom swelled with joy; My riches at her feet I threw-- I was a love-sick boy! No terms seemed extravagant Upon her to employ-- I used to mope, and sigh, and pant, Just like a love-sick boy!

But joy incessant palls the sense; And love, unchanged, will cloy, And she became a bore intense Unto her love-sick boy! With fitful glimmer burnt my flame, And I grew cold and coy, At last, one morning, I became Another’s love-sick boy!

_Chorus of_ JURYMEN (_advancing stealthily_).

Oh, I was like that when a lad; A shocking young scamp of a rover! I behaved like a regular cad; But that sort of thing is all over. I’m now a respectable chap, And shine with a virtue resplendent, An therefore I haven’t a scrap Of sympathy with the defendant! He shall treat us with awe, If there isn’t a flaw, Singing so merrily--Trial-la-law! Trial-la-law--Trial-la-law! Singing so merrily--Trial-la-law!

_Recit._ USHER.

Silence in Court, and all attention lend. Behold your Judge! In due submission bend!

_Enter JUDGE on Bench._

_Chorus._

All hail, great Judge! To your bright rays We never grudge Ecstatic praise. All hail!

May each decree As statute rank, And never be Reversed in banc. All hail!

_Recit._ JUDGE.

For these kind words accept my thanks, I pray! A Breach of Promise we’ve to try to-day; But firstly, if the time you’ll not begrudge, I’ll tell you how I came to be a judge.

All. He’ll tell us how he came to be a judge!

Judge. Let me speak.

All. Let him speak.

Judge. Let me speak.

All. Let him speak. Hush! hush!! hush!!! (_fortissimo_) He’ll tell us how he came to be a judge!

_Song_, JUDGE.

When I, good friends, was called to the bar, I’d an appetite fresh and hearty, But I was, as many young barristers are, An impecunious party: I’d a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue-- A brief which I bought of a booby-- A couple of shirts and a collar or two, And a ring that looked like a ruby.

_Chorus_.

A couple of shirts, &c.

Judge. In Westminster Hall I danced a dance, Like a semi-despondent fury; For I thought I should never hit on a chance Of addressing a British jury-- But I soon got tired of third-class journeys And dinners of bread and water; So I fell in love with a rich attorney’s Elderly, ugly daughter.

CHORUS.

So he fell in love, &c.

Judge. The rich attorney he jumped with joy, And replied to my fond professions: “You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy, “At the Bailey and Middlesex Sessions. “You’ll soon get used to her looks,” said he, “And a very nice girl you’ll find her! “She may very well pass for forty-three “In the dusk, with a light behind her!

_Chorus._

“She may very well, &c.”

Judge. The rich attorney was good as his word: The briefs came trooping gayly, And every day my voice was heard At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey. All thieves who could my fees afford Relied on my orations, And many a burglar I’ve restored To his friends and his relations.

_Chorus._

And many a burglar, &c.

Judge. At length I became as rich as the Gurneys-- An incubus then I thought her, So I threw over that rich attorney’s Elderly, ugly daughter. The rich attorney my character high Tried vainly to disparage-- And now, if you please, I’m ready to try This breach of promise of marriage!

_Chorus._

And now if you please, &c.

Judge. For now I am a Judge!

All. And a good Judge too!

Judge. Yes, now I am a Judge!

All. And a good Judge too!

Judge. Though all my law is fudge, Yet I’ll never, never budge, But I’ll live and die a Judge!

All. And a good Judge too!

JUDGE (_pianissimo_).

It was managed by a job!

All. And a good job too!

Judge. It was managed by a job!

All. And a good job too!

Judge. It is patent to the mob, That my being made a nob Was effected by a job.

All. And a good job too!

_Enter COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF._

COUNSEL (_recit._).

Swear thou the Jury!

Usher. Kneel, Jurymen, oh! kneel!

(_All the Jury kneel in the Jury-box and so are hidden from audience._)

Usher. Oh, will you swear by yonder skies, Whatever question may arise ’Twixt rich and poor--’twixt low and high, That you will well and truly try?

JURY (_raising their hands, which alone are visible_).

To all of this we make reply, By the dull slate of yonder sky: That we will well and truly try.

(_All rise with the last note, both hands in air._)

_Recit._ USHER.

This blind devotion is indeed a crusher-- Pardon the tear-drop of the simple Usher! (_He weeps._)

_Recit._ COUNSEL.

Call the plaintiff!

_Recit._ USHER.

Oh, Angelina! Angelina!! Come thou into Court.

_Enter the BRIDESMAIDS, each bearing two palm branches, their arms crossed on their bosoms, and rose-wreaths on their arms._

_Chorus of_ BRIDESMAIDS.

Comes the broken flower-- Comes the cheated maid-- Though the tempest lower, Rain and cloud will fade! Take, oh maid, these posies: Though thy beauty rare Shame the blushing roses, They are passing fair! Wear the flowers till they fade: Happy be thy life, oh maid!

(_The JUDGE, having taken a great fancy to FIRST BRIDESMAID, sends her a note by USHER, which she reads, kisses rapturously, and places in her bosom._)

_Solo_, ANGELINA.

O’er the season vernal, Time may cast a shade; Sunshine, if eternal, Makes the roses fade! Time may do his duty; Let the thief alone-- Winter hath a beauty That is all his own. Fairest days are sun and shade: I am no unhappy maid!

(_By this time the JUDGE has transferred his admiration to ANGELINA._)

_Chorus of_ BRIDESMAIDS.

Comes the broken flower, &c.

(_During Chorus ANGELINA collects wreaths of roses from BRIDESMAIDS and gives them to the JURY, who put them on, and wear them during the rest of the piece._)

JUDGE (_to ASSOCIATE._)

Oh, never, never, never, since I joined the human race, Saw I so exquisitely fair a face.

THE JURY (_shaking their forefingers at JUDGE_).

Ah, sly dog! Ah, sly dog!

JUDGE (_to JURY_).

How say you, is she not designed for capture?

FOREMAN (_after consulting with the JURY_).

We’ve but one word, my lord, and that is--Rapture!

PLAINTIFF (_courtesying_).

Your kindness, gentlemen, quite overpowers!

THE JURY.

We love you fondly, and would make you ours!

THE BRIDESMAIDS (_shaking their forefingers at JURY_).

Ah, sly dogs! Ah, sly dogs!

COUNSEL _for_ PLAINTIFF (_recit._)

May it please you, my lud! Gentlemen of the Jury!

_Aria._

With a sense of deep emotion, I approach this painful case; For I never had a notion That a man could be so base, Or deceive a girl confiding, Vows, _etcætera_, deriding.

All. He deceived a girl confiding, Vows, _etcætera_, deriding.

(_PLAINTIFF falls sobbing on COUNSEL’S breast, and remains there._)

Counsel. See my interesting client, Victim of a heartless wile! See the traitor all defiant Wears a supercilious smile! Sweetly smiled my client on him. Coyly woo’d and gently won him!

All. Sweetly smiled, &c.

Counsel. Swiftly fled each honeyed hour Spent with this unmanly male! Camberwell became a bower, Peckham an Arcadian Vale, Breathing concentrated otto!-- An-existence _à la_ Watteau.

All. Bless us, concentrated otto! &c.

COUNSEL (_coming down with PLAINTIFF, who is still sobbing on his breast_).

Picture, then, my client naming And insisting on the day: Picture him excuses framing-- Going from her far away; Doubly criminal to do so, For the maid had bought her _trousseau_!

All. Doubly criminal, &c.

COUNSEL (_to PLAINTIFF, who weeps_).

Cheer up, my pretty--oh, cheer up!

JURY.

Cheer up, cheer up, we love you!

(_COUNSEL leads PLAINTIFF fondly into Witness-box; he takes a tender leave of her and resumes his place in Court._)

(PLAINTIFF _reels, as if about to faint._)

Judge. That she is reeling Is plain to me!

FOREMAN.

If faint you’re feeling, Recline on me!

(_She falls sobbing on to the foreman’s breast._)

PLAINTIFF (_feebly_).

I shall recover If left alone.

ALL (_shaking their fists at DEFENDANT_).

Oh, perjured lover, Atone! atone!

FOREMAN.

Just like a father I wish to be. (_Kissing her._)

JUDGE (_approaching her_).

Or, if you’d rather, Recline on me!

(_She staggers on to bench, sits down by the JUDGE, and falls sobbing on his breast._)

Counsel. Oh! fetch some water From far Cologne!

All. For this sad slaughter Atone! atone!

JURY (_shaking fists at DEFENDANT_).

Monster, monster, dread our fury, There’s the Judge, and we’re the Jury!

_Song_, DEFENDANT.

Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray, Though I own that my heart has been ranging, Of nature the laws I obey, For nature is constantly changing. The moon in her phases is found, The time and the wind and the weather, The months in succession come round, And you don’t find two Mondays together. Consider the moral, I pray, Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow, Who loves this young lady to-day, And loves that young lady to-morrow.

BRIDESMAIDS (_rushing forward, and kneeling to_ JURY).

Consider the moral, &c.

You can not eat breakfast all day, Nor is it the act of a sinner, When breakfast is taken away, To turn your attention to dinner; And it’s not in the range of belief, That you could hold him as a glutton, Who, when he is tired of beef, Determines to tackle the mutton. But this I am ready to say, If it will appease their sorrow, I’ll marry one lady to-day, And I’ll marry the other to-morrow.

BRIDESMAIDS (_rushing forward as before_).

But this he is ready to say, &c.

JUDGE (_recit._)

That seems a reasonable proposition, To which I think your client may agree.

All. Oh, Judge discerning!

Counsel. But, I submit, my lord, with all submission, To marry two at once is Burglaree!

(_Referring to law book._)

In the reign of James the Second, It was generally reckoned As a very serious crime To marry two wives at one time.

(_Hands book up to JUDGE, who reads it._)

All. Oh, man of learning!

_Quartette._

Judge. A nice dilemma we have here, That calls for all our wit:

Counsel. And at this stage it don’t appear That we can settle it.

Defendant. If I to wed the girl am loth A breach ’twill surely be!

PLAINTIFF.

And if he goes and marries both It counts as Burglaree!

All. _A_ nice dilemma, &c.

_Duet, PLAINTIFF and DEFENDANT._

PLAINTIFF (_embracing DEFENDANT rapturously_).

I love him--I love him--with fervor unceasing, I worship and madly adore; My blind adoration is always increasing, My loss I shall ever deplore. Oh, see what a blessing--what love and caressing I’ve lost, and remember it, pray, When you I’m addressing, are busy assessing The damages Edwin must pay.

DEFENDANT (_repelling her furiously_).

I smoke like a furnace--I’m always in liquor, A ruffian--a bully--a sot. I’m sure I should thrash her--perhaps I should kick her, I am such a very bad lot! I’m not prepossessing, as you may be guessing, She couldn’t endure me a day! Recall my professing when you are assessing The damages Edwin must pay!

(_She clings to him passionately; he drags her round stage, and flings her to the ground._)

JURY.

We would be fairly acting, But this is most distracting!

JUDGE (_recit._).

The question, gentlemen, is one of liquor; You ask for guidance--this is my reply: If he, when tipsy, would assault and kick her, Let’s make him tipsy, gentlemen, and try!

Counsel. With all respect I do object!

All. With all respect We do object!

Defendant. I don’t object!

All. We do object!

JUDGE (_tossing his books and papers about_).

All the legal furies seize you! No proposal seems to please you, I can’t stop up here all day, I must shortly go away. Barristers, and you, attorneys, Set out on your homeward journeys; Put your briefs upon the shelf, I will marry her myself!

(_He comes down from Bench to floor of Court. He embraces ANGELINA._)

_Finale._

PLAINTIFF.

Oh, joy unbounded! With wealth surrounded, The knell is sounded Of grief and woe.

Counsel. With love devoted On you he’s doted: To castle moated Away they go!

Defendant. I wonder whether They’ll live together In marriage tether In manner true?

Usher. It seems to me, sir, Of such as she, sir, A judge is he, sir, A good judge too.

CHORUS.

It seems to me, sir, &c.

Judge. Oh, yes, I am a Judge.

All. And a good Judge too!

Judge. Oh, yes, I am a Judge.

All. And a good Judge too!

Judge. Though homeward as you trudge, You declare my law is fudge, Yet of beauty I’m a judge.

All. And a good judge too!

(_JUDGE and PLAINTIFF dance back on to the Bench--the BRIDESMAIDS take the eight garlands of roses from behind the Judge’s desk (where one end of them is fastened) and draw them across floor of Court, so that they radiate from the desk. Two plaster Cupids in bar wigs descend from flies. Red fire._)

_Franklin Press: Rand, Avery, & Co., Boston._

* * * * * *

Transcriber’s note:

Some obvious misprints have been corrected.

Archaic and unusual spellings have been maintained.

The page number listed in the Table of Contents is the cover page for that play. In the original book, the page number listed for each play was the first page of the text of the play. Also, the Note, Table of Contents and the Transcriber’s Note have been added to the Table of Contents.

In ‘Charity’ the character Ruth speaks in pidgin.

In ‘THE WICKED WORLD’:

On page 63: _Dar._ Go, sir, get thee gone! Originally: _Dar._ Go, sir, get thee gone?

In ‘THE PRINCESS’:

On page 253: Give her a sou! Originally: Giver her a sou!

On page 270: _Chrys._ He’s vinegar, my lord, and we are oil. Originally: _Chyrs._ He’s vinegar, my lord, and we are oil.

In the play ‘CHARITY’ on page 191, where it says “Ruth (rushing forward)”--this does not say it is an entrance, but since she is not on stage at the time, I assume that this is her entrance.