The Romancers: A Comedy in Three Acts

SCENE: The stage is divided by an old wall, covered with vines and flowers. At the right, a corner of BERGAMIN's private park; at the left, a corner of PASQUINOT's. On each side of the wall, and against it, is a rustic bench. As the curtain rises, PERCINET is seated on the top of the wall. On his knee is a book, out of which he is reading to SYLVETTE, who stands attentively listening on the bench which is on the other side of the wall.

Sylvette. Monsieur Percinet, how divinely beautiful!

Percinet. Is it not? Listen to what Romeo answers: [Reading] "It was the lark, the herald of the morn, No nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east. Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops: I must be gone"--

Sylvette. [Interrupts him, as she listens.] Sh!

Percinet. [Listens a moment, then] No one! And, Mademoiselle, you must not take fright like a startled bird. Hear the immortal lovers:

"_Juliet._ Yon light is not the daylight, I know it, I, It is some meteor that the sun exhales, To be to thee this night a torch-bearer, And light thee on thy way to Mantua: Therefore stay yet, thou need'st not to be gone.

_Romeo._ Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death; I am content, so thou will have it so. I'll say, yon gray is not the morning's eye, 'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow; Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat The vaulty heaven so high above our heads: I have more care to stay than will to go: Come, death and welcome"--

Sylvette. No, he must not say such things, or I shall cry.

Percinet. Then let us stop and read no further until to-morrow. We shall let Romeo live! [He closes the book and looks about him.] This charming spot seems expressly made, it seems to me, to cradle the words of the Divine Will!

Sylvette. The verses are divine, and the soft air here is a divine accompaniment. And see, these green shades! But, Monsieur Percinet, what makes them divine to me is the way you read!

Percinet. Flatterer!

Sylvette. [Sighing] Poor lovers! Their fate was cruel! [Another sigh] I think--

Percinet. What?

Sylvette. Nothing!

Percinet. Something that made you blush red as a rose.

Sylvette. Nothing, I say.

Percinet. Ah, that's too transparent. I see it all: you are thinking of our fathers!

Sylvette. Perhaps--

Percinet. Of their terrible hatred for each other.

Sylvette. The thought often pains me and makes me cry when I am alone. Last month, when I came home from the convent, my father pointed out your father's park, and said to me: "My dear child, you behold there the domain of my mortal enemy, Bergamin. Never cross the path of those two rascals, Bergamin and his son Percinet. Mark well my words, and obey me to the letter, or I shall cast you off as an enemy. Their family has always been at bitter enmity with our own." And I promised. But you see how I keep my word!

Percinet. Did I not promise my father to do the same, Sylvette? Yet I love you!

Sylvette. Holy saints!

Percinet. I love you, my dearest!

Sylvette. It's sinful!

Percinet. Very--but what can we do? The greater the obstacles to be overcome, the sweeter the reward. Sylvette, kiss me!

Sylvette. Never! [She jumps down from the bench and runs off a few steps.]

Percinet. But you love me?

Sylvette. What?

Percinet. My dear child: I, too, sometimes think of us and compare you and me with those other lovers--of Verona.

Sylvette. But _I_ didn't compare--!

Percinet. You and I are Juliet and Romeo; I love you to despair, and I shall brave the wrath of Pasquinot-Capulet and Bergamin-Montague!

Sylvette. [Coming a little nearer to the wall] Then we love? But how, Monsieur Percinet, has it happened so soon?

Percinet. Love is born we know not how, because it must be born. I often saw you pass my window--

Sylvette. I saw you, too!

Percinet. And our eyes spoke in silence.

Sylvette. One day I was gathering nuts in the garden by the wall--

Percinet. One day I happened to be reading Shakespeare. See how everything conspired to unite two hearts!

Sylvette. And a little gust of wind blew my scarf in your direction.

Percinet. I climbed to the wall to return it--

Sylvette. [Climbing the wall again] I climbed too!

Percinet. And since that day, my dear, I have waited at the same hour, here by this wall; and each time my heart beat louder and faster, until I knew by your soft laugh that you were near!

Sylvette. Now since we love, we must be married.

Percinet. I was just thinking about that.

Sylvette. [Solemnly] I, last of the Pasquinots, do solemnly pledge myself to you, last of the Bergamins.

Percinet. What noble recklessness!

Sylvette. We shall be sung in future ages!

Percinet. Two tender children of two hard-hearted fathers!

Sylvette. But who knows whether the hour is not at hand when our fathers' hatred may end?

Percinet. I doubt it.

Sylvette. I have heard of stranger things. I can think of half a dozen--

Percinet. What, for instance?

Sylvette. Imagine that the reigning prince comes riding past some day--I run to him and kneel, and tell him the story of our love and of our fathers' hatred. The prince asks to see my father and Bergamin, and they are reconciled.

Percinet. And your father gives me your hand!

Sylvette. Yes. Or else, you languish, the doctor declares you cannot live--

Percinet. And asks: "What ails you?"

Sylvette. And you answer: "I must have Sylvette!"

Percinet. And his pride is then forced to bend.

Sylvette. Yes. Or else: an aged duke, having seen my portrait, falls in love with me, sends a 'squire to sue for my hand, and offers to make me a duchess.

Percinet. And you say, "No!"

Sylvette. He is offended, and some dark night when I am in the garden, meditating, he springs forth out of the darkness! I scream!

Percinet. And I lose not a second in springing over the wall, dagger in hand. I fight like a tiger, I--

Sylvette. You lay low three or four men. Then my father rushes in and takes me in his arms. You tell him who you are. His heart softens, he gives me to my savior. Your father consents, for he is proud of your bravery.

Percinet. Then we live together for years, happy and content!

Sylvette. This is not at all impossible, is it?

Percinet. Someone's coming!

Sylvette. [Forgetting herself] Kiss me!

Percinet. [Kissing her] This evening, at eight, then? As usual? You will come?

Sylvette. No.

Percinet. Yes!

Sylvette. [Disappearing behind the wall] Your father! [PERCINET jumps quickly from the wall.]

[Enter BERGAMIN.]

Bergamin. Ah, ha, I find you here again, dreaming in this corner of the park!

Percinet. Father, I love this old corner! I adore this bench over which the vines of the wall have so gracefully draped themselves. See, what graceful arabesques these festoons make! The air is purer here.

Bergamin. By the side of this wall?

Percinet. I love it!

Bergamin. I see nothing lovable about it!

Sylvette. [Aside] He can't see why!

Percinet. But it is charming, all covered with ivy and creeper. See here, what honeysuckle! This hundred-year-old wall, with its clinging vines, its constellations of flowers, looking through the crannies, kissed by the summer sun, makes the bench a throne fit for kings!

Bergamin. Nonsense, you hare-brained youth! Do you mean to tell me that this wall has eyes?

Percinet. Ah, what eyes! [Turns toward the wall.] Of soft azure, yet dazzlingly blue; let but a tear come to dim your brightness, or a single kiss--

Bergamin. But the wall hasn't eyes, you idiot!

Percinet. See this vine, though! [He plucks part of the vine from the wall and graciously presents it to his father.]

Sylvette. [Aside] How clever!

Bergamin. How stupid! But I know now what has turned your silly head: you come here to read! [SYLVETTE starts as she hears this. PERCINET also shows signs of fear as his father pulls the book from the youth's pocket.] Plays! [He drops the book in horror.] And verse! Verse! That's what has turned your head. Now I see why you talk about eyes and honeysuckle. I tell you, to be useful, a wall doesn't have to be beautiful. I am going to have all this green stuff taken away, and the bricks re-laid and the holes stopped up. I want a white wall and a high one to keep the neighbors from looking into our park. I want no vines and honeysuckles. Along the top I'll sprinkle broken glass--

Percinet. Pity!

Bergamin. No pity! I insist on it! Glass--all along the top of the wall! [SYLVETTE and PERCINET are in despair. BERGAMIN sits down on the bench.] And now, I have something to say to you. [He rises and examines the wall.] If the wall hasn't eyes, it may possibly have ears? [He is about to stand on the bench, when PERCINET takes fright and SYLVETTE clings close to her side of the wall, making herself as small as she can. BERGAMIN decides not to scale the wall, but motions to his son to do so.] See whether some curious listener--?

Percinet. [Climbing to the top and leaning over so that SYLVETTE can hear him] Till to-night!

Sylvette. [Giving him her hand, which he kisses] I'll come as the clock is striking! I adore you!

Bergamin. [To PERCINET] Well?

Percinet. [Jumping down--to his father] No one!

Bergamin. [Re-seating himself] Well, then, my boy, I should like to see you married.

Sylvette. [Aside] Oh!

Bergamin. What's that?

Percinet. Nothing.

Bergamin. I thought I heard a cry?

Percinet. [Looking into the air] Some wounded bird, perhaps.

Bergamin. I have given the matter my undivided attention, and have chosen a wife for you. [PERCINET whistles and walks away.] I tell you, I am in earnest and I intend to force you, if necessary. [PERCINET continues whistling.] _Will_ you stop that confounded whistling! The young woman is rich--she's a jewel!

Percinet. I want none of your jewels!

Bergamin. I'll show you, you young insolent!

Percinet. [Grasping his father's cane, which is raised as if to strike him] Spring has filled the bushes with the songs of birds; the brooklets accompany the love-notes of wild birds.

Bergamin. Rascal!

Percinet. [Still holding the cane] The whole world laughs and sings farewell to April. The butterflies--

Bergamin. Ruffian!

Percinet. [As before] Wing their way across the meadows, to make love to the adored flowers! Love--

Bergamin. Villain!

Percinet. Love opens wide the heart of all nature. And you ask me to consent to a marriage of reason!

Bergamin. Of course I do!

Percinet. [Passionately] No, no, no, Father. I swear by this wall--which hears me, I hope--that my marriage will be more romantic than any dreamed of in the most poetic of the world's love stories! [He runs out.]

Bergamin. [Pursuing him] Ah, let me catch you--!

Sylvette. I can really understand now why Papa hates that odious old man!

[Enter PASQUINOT, left.]

Pasquinot. Well, Mademoiselle, what are you doing here?

Sylvette. Nothing. Taking the air.

Pasquinot. Alone? But, you silly girl, are you not afraid?

Sylvette. Not in the least.

Pasquinot. Near this wall? I forbade you to come near it! You see that park over there? That belongs to my mortal enemy!

Sylvette. I know it, Father dear.

Pasquinot. Why, here you are exposed to any insult, any--if those rascals knew that my daughter were walking alone in this park-- Brr! It makes me shiver to think of! I'm going to have the wall repaired, and erect a huge iron grill on top of it.

Sylvette. [Aside] He'll never do it--it would cost too much!

Pasquinot. Now go into the house--quick! [She goes out, PASQUINOT glowering at her.]

Bergamin. [Heard from the other side of the wall, as he enters] Take this note at once to Monsieur Straforel.

Pasquinot. [Running to the wall and climbing to the top of it] Bergamin!

Bergamin. [Doing likewise] Pasquinot! [They embrace.]

Pasquinot. How are you?

Bergamin. Pretty well.

Pasquinot. How's your gout?

Bergamin. Better. And how is your cold?

Pasquinot. Still troubles me, devil take it!

Bergamin. Well, the marriage is arranged!

Pasquinot. What?

Bergamin. I heard everything--I was hidden in the bushes. They adore each other!

Pasquinot. Bravo!

Bergamin. We must bring matters to a head! [He rubs his hands.] Ha, ha! Now we can do as we had planned--

Pasquinot. Yes, and tear down the wall.

Bergamin. And live together.

Pasquinot. Joining our properties.

Bergamin. By marrying our children. But I wonder whether they would be so anxious if they knew we wished it? A marriage arranged beforehand is not so tempting to two young children so romantic as ours. That is why we kept our own wishes a secret. I felt sure that after they had been separated--Sylvette in the convent, Percinet at school--they would thrive on their secret love. That is how I came to invent this hatred of ours. And you even doubted its success! Now all we have to do is to say Yes.

Pasquinot. But how can it be done? Remember, I've called you a scoundrel, fool, idiot--

Bergamin. Idiot? Scoundrel was sufficient.

Pasquinot. Now what pretext--?

Bergamin. Your daughter herself has given me an inspiration. This evening they are to meet here at eight. Percinet comes first. At the moment Sylvette appears, mysterious men in black will emerge from the shadows and start to carry her off. An abduction! She screams, then our young hero gives chase, draws his sword--the ravishers pretend to flee--I arrive on the scene, then you--your daughter is safe and sound. You bless the couple and drop a few appropriate tears; my heart is softened. Tableau.

Pasquinot. A stroke of genius.

Bergamin. [Modestly] Yes--I think it really is. Look--see that man coming? It's Straforel, the bravado whom I wrote to a few minutes ago. He is to superintend the abduction.

[STRAFOREL, in an elaborate swordsman's costume, appears at the back of BERGAMIN's park, and swaggers down-stage.]

Bergamin. [Descending from the wall and bowing low to STRAFOREL] Allow me to introduce you to my friend Pasquinot.

Straforel. [Bowing] Monsieur! [He raises his head and sees no PASQUINOT.]

Bergamin. [Pointing to PASQUINOT on the crest of the wall] There, on the wall!--Now, my dear master, does my plan meet with your approval?

Straforel. It does. It is most simple.

Bergamin. You must act quickly, you understand?

Straforel. And say nothing!

Bergamin. A make-believe abduction and stage-fight with swords.

Straforel. I understand perfectly.

Bergamin. You must have skilful swordsmen--I can't have my boy hurt. He is my only child!

Straforel. I will see to that myself.

Bergamin. Good. In that case, I shall fear nothing.

Pasquinot. [Aside to BERGAMIN] Ask him the price?

Bergamin. For an abduction, Maestro, how much do you charge?

Straforel. That depends, Monsieur, on the kind you wish; we have them at all prices. In an affair of this kind, however, nothing should be spared. If I were in your place, I should have a first-class abduction.

Bergamin. [Surprised] Then you have many classes?

Straforel. Indeed I have. I have the ordinary vulgar abduction in a cab, with two men dressed in black--that's rarely used; the daylight abduction, the midnight abduction; the pompous abduction in a court carriage, with powdered servants--wigs are extra--with mutes, negroes, brigands, musketeers, anything you like! The abduction in a post-chaise, with two, three, four, five, horses, ad lib.; the discreet and quiet abduction, in a small carriage-- that one's rather lugubrious; the rollicking abduction, in which the victim is carried away in a sack; the romantic abduction in a boat--but a lake is necessary!--the Venetian abduction, in a gondola--ah, you have no lagoon! Moonlight abduction, or the abduction on a dark and starless night--those moonlight abductions are quite the style, though they are a little dear!--Besides these, there is the abduction by torch-light, with cries and screams, and clash and shock of arms; the brutal abduction, the polite abduction; the classical one with masks; the gallant abduction to the accompaniment of music; but the latest, most stylish, gayest of all, is the sedan-chair abduction!

Bergamin. [Scratching his head--aside to PASQUINOT] Well, what do you think?

Pasquinot. Hm, what do you?

Bergamin. I think that we should do everything in the best possible way, no expense spared. Let us give our young romancers something they'll not soon forget. Let's have it with masks, dark mantles, torches, music, and a sedan-chair!

Straforel. [Taking notes] A first-class, then, with all extras.

Bergamin. That's it.

Straforel. I shall return soon. [To PASQUINOT] Remember, Monsieur, to leave open the door of your park to-night.

Bergamin. Very well, it shall be done.

Straforel. [Bowing] My compliments. [Turning to go] One first-class--with extras. [He goes out.]

Pasquinot. The honest man, he went without telling us the price!

Bergamin. Everything is arranged. Now we'll live together, after demolishing the wall.

Pasquinot. And in winter we'll have but one hearth and home!

Bergamin. Our dearest wishes are about to be realized!

Pasquinot. And we'll grow old together!

Bergamin. Dear old Pasquinot!

Pasquinot. Dear old Bergamin! [They embrace. SYLVETTE and PERCINET enter, from each side of the stage and, seeing their fathers embrace]

Sylvette. Oh!

Bergamin. [Aside to PASQUINOT] Your daughter!

Percinet. Oh!

Pasquinot. [Aside to BERGAMIN] Your son!

Bergamin. [Aside to PASQUINOT] We must pretend to fight! [Their embrace is transformed into a struggle.] Rascal!

Pasquinot. Fool!

Sylvette. [Pulling her father's coat-tails] Papa!

Percinet. [Doing the same with his father] Papa!

Bergamin. Let us be!

Pasquinot. He insulted me!

Bergamin. He struck me!

Pasquinot. Coward!

Sylvette. Papa!

Bergamin. Thief!

Percinet. Papa!

Pasquinot. Bandit!

Sylvette. Papa!! [SYLVETTE and PERCINET finally succeed in separating the fathers.]

Percinet. [Dragging his father away] Go in now, it's late.

Bergamin. [Trying to go to the wall again] I can't control myself. Just let me--! [PERCINET takes him out.]

Pasquinot. [Also trying to return to the wall] I'll kill him!

Sylvette. [Dragging PASQUINOT out] The air is so damp! Think of your rheumatism! [They go out.]

[Little by little it grows dark. For a moment the stage is empty. Then, in PASQUINOT's park, enter STRAFOREL and swordsmen, musicians, and torch-bearers.]

Straforel. I see one star already. The day is dying. [He places his men about the stage.] Stay there--you there--and you there. The hour is near. You will see, as the clock strikes eight, a figure in white enter on this side. Then I whistle--[He looks at the sky again.] The moon? Splendid! Every effect is perfect to-night! [Examining the costumes of his band] The capes and mantles are excellent. Look a little more dangerous, over there! Now, ready? [A sedan-chair is brought in.] The chair over there in the shade. [Seeing the negroes who carry the chair] The negroes are good! [Speaking at a distance] Torches, there, you understand you are not to come until you receive the signal? [The faint reflection of the torches is seen at the back of the stage, through the underbrush. Enter the musicians.] Musicians? There-- at the back. Now, a little distinction and life! Vary your poses from time to time. Stand straight, mandolin! Sit down, alto! There. [Severely to a swordsman] You, first mask, don't look so harmless--I want a villainous slouch! Good! Now, instruments, play softly--tune up! Good--tra la la! [He puts on his mask.]

[PERCINET enters slowly from the other side of the stage. As he speaks the following lines, the stage becomes darker, until at the end, it is night.]

Percinet. My father is calmer now. The day is dying, and the intoxicating odor of the elders is wafted to me; the flowers close their petals in the gray of the evening--

Straforel. [Aside to the violins] Music!

[The musicians play softly until the end of the act.]

Percinet. I tremble like a reed. She is coming!

Straforel. [To the musicians] Amoroso!

Percinet. My first evening meeting--I can scarcely stand! The evening breeze sounds like the fluttering of her dress. Now I can't see the flowers, but I can smell them. Ah, this great tree, with a star above it--Music? Who--? [A pause.] Night has come. [After another pause, a clock strikes eight in the distance. SYLVETTE appears at the back of her park.]

Sylvette. The hour has struck. He must be waiting.

[A whistle is heard. STRAFOREL rises in front of SYLVETTE, and torch-bearers appear in the background. SYLVETTE screams. The swordsmen seize and put her into the sedan-chair.]

Sylvette. Help! Help!

Percinet. Great Heavens!

Sylvette. Percinet, they are carrying me off!

Percinet. [Leaping to the wall] I come! [When he reaches the top of the wall, he draws his sword, jumps down on the other side, and engages four or five swordsmen in combat. They flee before him.] There, and there, and there!

Straforel. [To the musicians] Tremolo!

[The violins now play a dramatic tremolo.]

Straforel. Per Bacco, he's the devil, that child! [PERCINET now engages STRAFOREL in a duel. STRAFOREL, after a few thrusts, puts his hand to his breast.] I--I'm mortally wounded! [He falls.]

Percinet. [Running to SYLVETTE, who sits in the sedan-chair] Sylvette! [He kneels to her.]

Sylvette. My savior!

Pasquinot. [Entering] Bergamin's son! Your savior? Your savior? I give you to him!

SYLVETTE and PERCINET. Heavens!

[BERGAMIN now appears on his side of the wall.]

Pasquinot. [To BERGAMIN, who is seen on top of the wall] Bergamin, your son is a hero! Let us forget our quarrels, and make these children happy!

Bergamin. [Solemnly] I hate you no more!

Percinet. Sylvette, don't speak loud: I know I am dreaming. But don't wake me!

Bergamin. Our hatred is ended in the marriage of our dear ones. [Indicating the wall] Henceforth let there be no Pyrenees!

Percinet. Who would have believed that my father could change so!

Sylvette. I told you everything would turn out happily! [While the lovers go up-stage with PASQUINOT, STRAFOREL rises and hands a folded paper to BERGAMIN.]

Bergamin. [Aside] What is it? This paper--your signature? What is it, if you please?

Straforel. [Bowing] Monsieur, it's my bill! [He falls down again.]

Curtain

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