Starbottle monologue (Act 3) — Two Men of Sandy Bar: A Drama

(stepping between MISS MARY and the DUCHESS) A moment, Miss Mary, a single moment! Permit me to--er--explain. The whole thing, the--er--situation reminds me, demn me, of most amusing incident at Sacramento in '52. Large party at Hank Suedecois: know Hank? Confirmed old bach of sixty. Dinner for forty. Everything in style, first families, Ged,--Judge Beeswinger, Mat Boompointer, and Maje Blodgett of Ahlabam: know old Maje Blodgett? Well, Maje was there. Ged, sir, delay,--everybody waiting. I went to Hank. "Hank," I says, "what's matter? why delay?"--"Star," he says,--always called me Star,--"Star,--it's cook!"--"Demn cook," I says: "discharge cook,--only a black mulatto anyway!"--"Can't, Star," he says: "impossible!"--"Can't?" says I.--"No," says he. "Listen, Star," he says, "family secret! Honor! Can't discharge cook, because cook--demn it--'s MY wife!" Fact, sir, fact--showed marriage certificate--married privately seven years! Fact, sir--