Starbottle monologue (Act 1) — Two Men of Sandy Bar: A Drama

(solus) How would it do to get up a prodigal? Umph. Something must be done soon: the old man grows languid in his search. My position as a sinecure is--er--in peril. A prodigal ready made! But could I get a scoundrel bad enough to satisfy the old man? Ged, that's serious. Let me see: he admits that he is unable to recognize his own son in face, features, manner, or speech. Good! If I could pick up some rascal whose--er--irregularities didn't quite fill the bill, and could say--Ged!--that he was reforming. Reforming! Ged, Star! That very defect would show the hereditary taint, demn me! I must think of this seriously. Ged, Star! the idea is--an inspiration of humanity and virtue. Who knows? it might be the saving of the vagabond,--a crown of glory to the old man's age. Inspiration, did I say? Ged, Star, it's a DUTY,--a sacred, solemn duty, for which you are responsible,--personally responsible.