Col. Starbottle monologue (Act 1) — Two Men of Sandy Bar: A Drama

(who has been bowing and saluting with equal extravagance, during this speech--aside) Ged! she IS beautiful! (Aloud.) Permit me er--er--Dona Jovita, to correct--Ged, I must say it, correct erroneous statements. The man who should--er--utter in my presence remarks disparaging those--er--charms it is my privilege to behold, I should hold responsible,--Ged! personally responsible. You--er--remind me of er--incident, trifling perhaps, but pleasing, Charleston in '52,--a reception at John C. Calhoun's. A lady, one of the demnedest beautiful women you ever saw, said to me, "Star!"--she always called me Star,--"you've avoided me, you have, Star! I fear you are no longer my friend."--"Your friend, madam," I said. "No, I've avoided you because I am your lover." Ged, Miss Jovita, a fact--demn me. Sensation. Husband heard garbled report. He was old friend, but jealous, rash, indiscreet. Fell at first fire--umph--January 5th. Lady--beautiful woman--never forgave: went into convent. Sad affair. And all a mistake--demn me,--all a mistake, through perhaps extravagant gallantry and compliment. I lingered here, oblivious perhaps of--er--beauty, in the enjoyment of Nature.