Dibbs monologue (Act 1) — Three Hats: A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts

Ooh! What a shame to have to turn out just when you begin to appreciate your pillow. (Reading paper on door, R.) "Call me at tea-time." (Crossing to L. and reading paper on other door.) "Don't call me until to-morrow." (Looking at clock on chimney piece.) Hullo! Only _seven_ o'clock! I'm up too soon! I have cheated myself out of a clear hour in bed. Shall I go back again? No! The governor's left out his cigars and I know the best brands he keeps three sorts--these cost about sixpence each and he smokes 'em himself--these are worth perhaps twopence and are for the use of his friends--and these he gives to his father-in-law, warranted real cabbage, five shillings a hundred! I'm not his father-in-law, and I'm not his friend, so I'll have a dip in here. (Taking some from first box.) It's strange my tastes and the governor's should be so similar--we both like the best of everything! (Lighting cigar.) I'm not in a bad billet here, nothing to do and no end of leisure to do it in, especially when the missus is away; she's gone to her aunt's at Tunbridge Wells, so master and his friend, Mr. Fred Bellamy, are left to do as they like. (Sits in easy chair, L.)