Nicholas Ivánovich monologue (Act 3) — The Light Shines in Darkness

His conscience--the God that dwells within him--will decide that. Had he come to me I should have given him only one piece of advice: not to do anything in which he is guided by his reason alone--nothing is worse than that--but only to act when his whole being demands it. Now I, for instance, wished to act according to Christ's injunction: to leave father, wife and children and to follow Him, and I left home, but how did it end? It ended by my coming back and living with you in luxury in town. Because I was trying to do more than I had strength for, I have landed myself in this degrading and senseless position: I wish to live simply and to work with my hands, but in these surroundings, with lackeys and porters, it seems a kind of affectation. I see that, even now, Jacob Nikonórych is laughing at me.