Mrs. Perkins monologue — The Bicyclers and Three Other Farces

It seems to have made these men crazy. I never saw such strange behavior in all my life. (The telephone-bell rings.) What can that be? (Goes to 'phone, which stands just outside parlor door.) Hello! What? Yes, this is 1181--yes. Who are you? What? Emma? Oh dear, I'm so glad! Are you alive? Where are you? What? _Where_? _The police-station_! (Turning from telephone.) Thaddeus, Mr. Barlow, Mr. Yardsley. (Into telephone.) Hello! What for? What? Riding without a lamp! Arrested at Forty-second Street! Want to be bailed out? (Drops receiver. Rushes into parlor and throws herself on sofa.) To think of it--Emma Bradley! (Telephone-bell rings violently again; Mrs. Perkins goes to it.) Hello! Yes. Tell Ed what? To ask for Mrs. Willoughby Hawkins. Who's she? What, _you_! (Drops the receiver; runs to window.) Thaddeus! Mr. Yardsley! Mr. Barlow!--all of you come here, quick.