Cod monologue — Married Life: A Comedy, in Three Acts

Who can that be? I told the woman of the house on no account to admit a soul, or to tell any one who had taken her rooms; but if she should be obliged to confess, to give out that a half-crazy gentleman occupies them, who will not allow a creature to approach him but herself. I think I am safe here, nobody knows me; I've changed my name, I have paid a month's rent in advance, have closed and fastened the shutters and door, and intend to live in future by candle-light; so here I am alone--(_Sitting in a chair._)--with two wives claiming me, yet alone, that's something. What a night I have passed! One minute trembling with apprehension, the next with cold; the loose windows rattling all night like the chains of a sleepless felon--nothing but draughts all over the room, and a corner house too, its edges worn away by the wind constantly whistling round it--ugh!--(_Shuddering--A knocking heard L. H. D._)--It must have been the landlady that knocked; she thought I was asleep, no doubt, so wouldn't disturb me; how cold I am, there is a terrible wind somewhere. This is the most miserable place I ever was in, in my life; where can that rush of air come from? I must find out, here's my tow--(_going to table._)--with this and a skewer, I can stop every crevice.--(_He goes round the room with a lighted candle; he holds it before a crevice in the flat; the flame of the candle waves._)--Ah, here's the place--a thorough draught, enough to kill me.--(_The candle goes out._)--It has blown the candle out; what a horrid place!--(_He hammers some tow into the crevice; while thus employed, a knocking is again heard at the L. H. D. CODDLE starts, the hammer falls from his hand._)--Who's there? 'tis the foot-step of a man, it is not the landlady;--(_he creeps to the L. H. D. and listens_)--officers of justice, perhaps, who have dogged me here,--hush!--(_Listens again--A loud knock makes him start away from the door._)--Shall I answer? I will--I must--this suspense will drive me mad--who--who's there?