Cod monologue — Married Life: A Comedy, in Three Acts

There, this is the way that all matrimonial quarrels should end--and if _you_ are of the same opinion--(_to the audience_)--then, indeed, will our conjugal joy be complete, and our light lesson not have been read in vain. You have seen the result of perpetual jealousy, in the case of Mr. and Mrs. Lynx; of continual disputes and contradiction in that of Mr. and Mrs. Younghusband; of a want of cheerfulness and attention in Mr. and Mrs. Dismal; of the impolicy of public correction in the instance of Mrs. Dove; and the necessity of assimilating habits and tempers in the singular case of Mr. and Mrs. Coddle; and though these may not be one half the causes of quarrel between man and wife--yet, even their exposure may serve as beacon lights, to avoid the rocks of altercation when sailing on the sea of matrimony. So think of us, all ye anticipating and smiling single people; for you _must_, or _ought_, all to be married, and the sooner the better--and remember us ye already paired; and let our example prove to you that to mutual forbearance, mutual confidence, mutual habits, mutual everything, must we owe mutual happiness. And where can the _best_ of happiness be found, but in a loyal and affectionate Married Life?