Joe monologue — Five Little Plays

I'll be careful. Wait, though--I'll see whether there's a bit of tobacco still in my pipe. [_He fishes the pipe out of his pocket._] A policeman who warned me away from the kerb gave me some tobacco. "Mustn't beg," he said. "Got a pipe? Well, here's some tobacco." I believe he'd have given me money. But it was the first kind word I had heard all day, and it choked me.--There's just a bit left at the bottom. [_He bustles._] Now, first the fire. [_He puts the match to the paper--it kindles._] And then my pipe. [_The fire burns up; he throws himself in front of it._] Boo-o-oh, I'm sizzling.... I got so wet that I felt the water running into my lungs--my feet didn't seem to belong to me--and as for my head and nose! [_Yawns._] Well, smoke's good--by the powers, I'm getting warm--come closer to it, Mary. It's a little after midnight now--and I left home, this fine, luxurious British home, just as soon as it was light. And I've tramped the streets all day. Net result, a policeman gave me a pipeful of tobacco, I lunched off a bit of bread that I saw floating down the gutter--and I dined off the kitchen smell of the Café Royal. That's my day.