Skruff monologue — Comediettas and Farces

Have I? Don't be too sure about that! Wheugh! I've got the most excruciating attack of pins and needles all up my leg in trying to hide this letter! (_Picks it up._) The question is, ought I to read it? Of course I ought, or how should I know what's in it. Here goes! (_Reading letter._) "Dear Harry, I can raise the one thousand pounds on our joint acceptance, for a term--but for Heaven's sake conceal this from Mr. Gritty. Yours, Teddy." Teddy!--Teddy what? Teddy who? Yes; I remember now--I've got him down somewhere! (_looking at his memorandum-book_). Here he is!--"Edward Mallingford"--he's old Gritty's other young man! Here's a bit of luck!--I've got both the young chaps in my clutches now. Ha! ha!--but stop a bit--(_reflecting_). Isn't it rather strange, if the captain was _really_ in love with Hetty, that he should give her up so quietly?--then the eagerness with which he bound me down not to cut him out with Florence. What if the money comes to _her_ after all! Luckily, I haven't quite committed myself yet--and what's more, I won't.