Skruff monologue — Comediettas and Farces

Her name's Sally, is it? (_writing in note-book_). Down goes Sally along-side of Spronks. (_Seats himself and almost tumbles over._) What the deuce does old Gritty mean by having such rickety things as this about the premises?--to do a good turn to the wooden-leg makers, I suppose! (_Sitting down very cautiously._) Now let me see what I've come down here for (_consults note-book_). Here we have it! (_Reads._) "Florence Halliday," "Hetty Halliday"--old Gritty's two nieces. The fact is, dad wants to see me settled; that is, if I can make a good thing out of it! Well, he's just heard on the extreme quiet that one of the young ladies is very soon coming in for £10,000!--unluckily he doesn't know which of the two--so, on the strength of a former business acquaintance with old Gritty, he has trotted me down here to ferret the secret out, and if I get hold of the right scent I am to go the entire animal at once!--not likely I should waste any time about courtship and all that sort of thing. Not I! Only let me worm out which of the two has got the tin, and I'll marry her to-morrow morning!--I can't say fairer than that! (_Looking about him._) Rather a niceish sort of place this! must have cost something! I hope old Gritty can afford it. Father says he was always fond of squandering his money and doing good. Doing good!--what is it, after all?--getting up a vainglorious reputation at the expense of people who stick to their money!