Cox monologue — Comediettas and Farces

Cut! It strikes me I've had it mowed! It's very kind of you to mention it, but I'm sufficiently conscious of the absurdity of my personal appearance already. (_Puts on his coat._) Now for my hat. (_Puts on his hat, which comes over his eyes._) That's the effect of having one's hair cut. This hat fitted me quite tight before. Luckily I've got two or three more. (_Goes in at L., and returns with three hats of different shapes, and puts them on, one after the other--all of which are too big for him._) This is pleasant! Never mind. This one appears to me to wabble about rather less than the others. (_Puts on hat._) And now I'm off! By-the-bye, Mrs. Bouncer, I wish to call your attention to a fact that has been evident to me for some time past--and that is, that my coals go remarkably fast--