Joe monologue — A Rough Diamond: A Comic Drama in One Act

Well, if he ain't gone and bought all Merryweather's pigs I'm a Dutchman! And Merryweather's gone to America, and the eldest daughter's married Sam Holloway the cutler, and folks say it ain't a good match, because he was a widow with three children all ready and she might have had Master Pollard the schoolmaster, and he's gone and turned serious and won't let the boys play at no games, and so they're all going away to a new man that'll let 'em do just what they like; and Will Twig has been found out stealing chickens, and he's in prison; and Johnny Trotter the postman has opened a grocer's shop; and they've pulled down the old parsonage and are building a new 'un; and the doctor's got a large lamp over his door with big blue and red bull's eyes; and there's a new beadle, and all the parish children have got the hooping-cough, and Mrs. Jenkins' cow's dead, and--that's all!